[they're a matched pair! ...though a constant loop of worrying does, perhaps, make for a disastrous combination. maybe she should keep her distance, so he has less to worry over - but she doesn't want that, selfish as it may be.
his voice doesn't betray him, but unfortunately for him, flayn isn't really content with just staying as they are. she leans into him to stay close - he's warm, it's cold out there, and he did want her to get warmed up before she rushed off again, didn't he? so she'll allow herself to indulge in this - but at the same time she turns slightly, so that she can look up at him, and -
oh. his face.
without thinking, she reaches up to touch his cheek. his skin is hot under her fingertips, and it makes her brows furrow in concern. she bites her lip.]
...are you alright?
[has he been running a fever this whole time and she just didn't notice?]
[ whatever self control yin yu has is impressive. it is, after all, very old. he is an expert at forcing himself to feel absolutely nothing, from years and years of bottling it all down, in his human life and afterwards. even when he was angry, even when he was happy, he was able to keep it concealed under a calm, relaxed exterior.
and now, instead of dealing with his own emotions, he is dealing with someone else's. they're just piled on top of his own, but they are like bricks compared to yin yu's usual level of emotional reaction. he'd be flustered by this anyway, but while lili is off having a very good night, apparently, yin yu is dying. he's so busy focusing on not looking at flayn and trying to keep his heart very still that he almost doesn't notice when she turns to look at him, and then there are fingertips touching his cheek.
yin yu turns his head, surprised, looking down, and flayn is right there. he freezes like a surprised animal, mouth opening kind of stupidly as lili's emotions, somewhere, surge in a feeling of love and something else that yin yu refuses to even consider.
in moments that require a lot of emotional load, yin yu tends to short circuit.
this is no exception to that. any words he was actually going to say just pour right out of his ears. the fact that he doesn't make a stupid noise is frankly shocking. caught somewhere between i need to make sure she knows i'm fine and what the hell and lady lili is too much and flayn is the most incredible, beautiful girl i've ever seen in my life he -
clears his throat, and doesn't move, arm still around her shoulders, a trooper, head dipping down a little. unintentionally, it makes him lean into her fingertips, head bowing forward so she doesn't have to reach. ] I - I'm fine, my lady. Everything is fine.
[ he is the opposite of fine. he has never been less fine. or maybe he is fine? it is nice? she's so lovely. this is - stop oh my gods ]
[because, well - she knows. back on the island, she'd been running a fever. neena had almost felt her forehead to check for it, but she'd avoided it, not wanting the others to worry; two days later, she dropped dead.
she can't think how yin yu might have gotten poisoned, unless -
the fan. they had talked about shinobu's blade being coated in poison. if nie huaisang's fan could cut, could it not also have been poisoned in some way? her heart tightens uncomfortably, and she - perhaps mercifully, for him - draws her hand away from his cheek and shrugs off his shoulder to step away.
in an instant, she's looking through the medicines.]
If you have a fever, then— there must be something here for it...
[ while he's still trying to get his brain into proper order, flayn pulls away from him and somehow he's made it worse. he watches her start to go for the medicine and feels the simultaneous urge to laugh and to cry, all at once, at how ridiculous this is. he was trying to keep flayn from being worried and he just made it worse. the instinct to try and fix it takes over from the general emotional paralysis, and he lunges forward -
Lady Flayn- [ - and his hand wraps around her wrist, catches it. it's really just to try and keep her from having to get medicine for a fever he absolutely does not have; the move forward doesn't make his momentum stop entirely, though and he almost runs into her, barely stopping himself, still holding her wrist, his other arm going out to catch against the counter so he doesn't actually run into her.
it's left them in a bit of a precarious position. unintentionally, he's ended up caging her against the counter, blinking wide, dark eyes at her. ]
.......Ah.
[ THIS IS WORSE? THIS IS WORSE. oh gods. the alarm in his brain practically screams (part of it screams yes and the rest of it hits that part with a shovel) and he shuts it down as fast as possible, immediately releasing her hand and lifting his arm up and out of the way.]
I--I don't. Lady Flayn, I promise, I would not hide it from you if I was ill, you would be the first person to know, I just, [ somewhere, lili's teenager hormones are having a really good night and wreaking havoc on yin yu's entire life. ] ...I ... was just embarrassed, it's - [ fuck how does he even begin to explain any of this???
he gives up. putting his hands together, in a quick bow. ] - Forgive me.
[ no he doesn't have a fever. he's blushing, forehead down to his neck. ]
[his hand closes around her wrist, and for a moment flayn is so stunned that she doesn't notice that he's still moving forward. not consciously, anyway. but she can't go much further - the counter is right there and he is right there.
she looks up at him, her eyes locking with his.
she can feel the heat pooling in her cheeks as she stares at him, and something about the way he hurriedly lets go of her wrist and pulls his arm back only makes her blush a deeper red. for a moment, that almost felt like -
no, no. that can't be it.
it's her imagination. it must be. it's wishful thinking to even wonder it (since when has that been something she wishes for?), and he doesn't need to deal with her imagination running away with her on top of everything else that's going on.]
There— there is nothing to forgive. [a beat.] I am sorry if I did something to cause you embarrassment...
[was it when she reached up to touch his face? maybe it was that. yes, that must have been it.
she's ignoring the fact that he was already blushing then, and that was why she reached out for him.]
[ the moment where they stand like that feels like all of time stops. they are so close, and he's not an idiot. generally an observant person, yin yu has to see the way flayn's cheeks turn red, too - that is not from a fever -
don't be ridiculous. gods, he's never been in so much of a tizzy in his life. flayn says something as he's trying to put everything back in order properly in his brain, and he ends up ducking his head again, apologetic, raising his hands as if to dispel even the thought. ]
No! No, no. [ i mean, yeah. flayn by existing embarrasses him sometimes, but that is definitely not her fault. he can say that it's lili throwing him off, but yin yu has spent the past six weeks with flayn, getting to know her in and out, and buried deeply underneath layers and layers of repression, and those wild emotions have nothing to do with the way he always, always, always has reached for flayn's hand. ] It's not that, you didn't.
[ mmm.... he reaches up, scrubbing his hand over his face, briefly, then lets it drop, back into his more proper bow. putting his head down lets him hide his face, and... a feeling of shame, too. ] I... I just. I should be apologizing for more than that. I shouldn't have let my thoughts drift to somewhere... [ ... ] ... somewhere inappropriate, and I did, my lady. I'm sorry.
[ god, admitting that is more embarrassing, but yin yu sticks to his proprieties, if nothing else. he has to admit to it, because it's only the right thing to do. flayn shouldn't have to be troubled because of this -- because of someone like him, either. ] I - I can get out of your sight. I'm sorry.
[he says he can get out of her sight, and immediately - as quickly as she can - she reaches for his hand. that isn't what she wants at all, and he's already run from her once this week. frankly, she isn't sure she can take it if he runs from her again.
how inappropriate could his thoughts possibly be? it's yin yu - he's never been anything but respectful with her.
(...and would it really be so bad, if...)]
I never said I wanted you out of my sight. Whatever you may have been thinking, surely it cannot be that bad.
[ he's taking a step back, just about ready to vanish. as always yin yu is good at that: he can make himself disappear without even trying. he really doesn't even have the right to be looking at flayn right now, but as he's trying to step away, flayn tells him to stop and
he does.
yin yu deflates, dropping his hands and straightening again, though his shoulders are a little more sloped than before. his cheeks are red, still, head still bowed, but...
he's not going anywhere. ] ...alright. [ he says, eventually, very softly. not a yes, my lady, but... an alright. yin yu, not a retainer.
yin yu still looks tense. it's clear he's still really, really embarrassed, and uncomfortable, and...guilty, too. to burden lady flayn with such a thing, of someone like himself... he doesn't make eye contact, either, eventually reaching up to rub his hand at the back of his neck. ] I just... I don't want you to be uncomfortable, nor should I - I wouldn't presume anything, my lady. I shouldn't have held you like that, either, I didn't even ask.
[this right here is why her answer to which bad habit do you wish i would stop? had been not thinking well of yourself. flayn isn't sure there is anything that he could do that would make her uncomfortable enough with him to want him to leave, but he immediately assumes she isn't comfortable with him?
...maybe it's because he's not comfortable with her.
that thought makes her bite her lip.]
...I liked it, you know. [if his discomfort isn't because he was with her, though, but because he thinks he's made her uncomfortable - she needs to clear that up right away.] When you held me. You do not need to ask to do something like that.
[it was comforting, and in the moment, it had been exactly what she'd needed.]
[ well! if yin yu could get any more flustered, now would certainly be the time. it's starting to blotch down his neck, at this point. his heart feels like it's going five hundred miles an hour.
too bad he's too awkward to actually do anything with it at the moment, just sort of embarrassed and stunned. let them stare at each other and be flustered for a second.
hhh ] I can... that is, if you don't really mind...
[she says it quickly, before she can lose her nerve and avoid him for a five-year timeskip. ...she'll feel pretty bad about this once she realizes that a big part of this is because he's sharing lili's emotions, but -
she doesn't know that yet. he'd mentioned one person being bound to another following them into death; he hadn't mentioned anything like this.]
...would you hold me again, or would that be too uncomfortable for you?
[ at this point, whatever lili's doing has started to cool off a bit. he's mostly just embarrassed of his own right, and things are at a manageable enough level that he can tamp down on lili, which leaves him... just embarrassed, as yin yu, while the girl that he likes (oh gods) is asking him to hug her. (oh gods.)
he can't admit to that out loud, nor can he say "yes that's fine" out loud without wanting to explode, either, so he just... drops his hands properly and opens his arms. they're low, hands at his waist, but, definitely open.
[that is indeed a thing flayn would like to do. yin yu has not known a moment's peace since he started spending his time with her - so why would he expect to find some now? flayn smiles, her cheeks still a bit pink.
a moment later, she steps forward to clear the distance between them, steps into his space, and wraps her arms around him to hug him.]
[ when he peeks up long enough at her to see her smile, his heart does a backflip. internally, yin yu scolds himself for it, embarrassed at this behavior that is absolutely not like him, but he doesn't get much time otherwise, because then she's there.
flayn's...warm. she's wearing his coat still, and her hair smells good, and it's, arguably, probably the first time someone has hugged him in centuries.
his fingers flex, still awkward, still embarrassed, but...after a moment, he slowly moves to wrap his arms around her, too. he has to bow forward - standing like this, he could easily put his chin on her head, she's so small - but his grip is sure and warm, and his fingers curl slowly in the material of the outer robe, too.
it's a hug! really hope she can't feel how hard his heart is beating from that close but that's fine.]
[this isn't the first time in centuries she's been hugged, but it's the first time in the more than a millennia she's been alive that a hug has made her feel like this. her face warms, but luckily, like this, he can't see it.
she's smiling, though.
his arms around her are warm and secure, and she settles herself against him, relaxing into the hug as she breathes out, then breathes in deeply. she's a little flustered, but yin yu makes her feel safe, and that, more than anything, has her relaxed.
he'll practically be able to feel the tension draining out of her, with his arms around her.]
...this is really nice. by this point flayn can probably recognize that he's just tense because he's a little awkward, and given time, he will come around. sure enough, after a couple of seconds, he starts to melt a little, too, like a deflating balloon, until, finally, he leans over and nestles his cheek gently on top of her head.
he huffs, a quiet laugh, more nerves escaping than anything else, but... he's smiling too, shaking his head a bit at himself. it's a moment to center properly, to really try and put lili's emotions back behind a wall where they belong properly. ] ...I'm sorry for acting strangely.
[ yin yu gives her a little squeeze. he's--he's glad. he's not letting go. ] And if I worried you, too.
[she won't say it wasn't a little strange, because... well, it was. she's seen him flustered before. perhaps she's even flustered to this extent, before, when she was demonstrating how she planned to fight one of her roommates off if the need ever arose (was that really just shy of a month ago?) - but that had been when she had been intending for it.
this time, she hadn't even been trying. it's... flattering, almost. it makes her feel warm, even if it is a little embarrassing for them both.
[ that's because you don't have to try, silly. granted, usually, he can keep reactions off of his face, but...well, today has been a bit of a strange exception.
he nods, a little, into her hair, finally feeling some of the embarrassment start to disappear. the low warmth of lili's love is starting to entangle with his own, now; it's something calmer, like low waves, something that suits him far more. a fondness (that later he will realize with some amount of horror is probably going to be translated back the other way.) ]
...you asked. [ he says, by way of an answer. you asked me to stay; i'll stay. even if he was embarrassed, even if he wanted to run, if flayn needed him, he'd be here.
a beat, and then. ] ...I'm glad I didn't, either. [ ok he's hiding his face again. embarrassing. ]
[someday, she hopes he'll stay without her having to ask.
...it will take time to get there. gods, she hopes they have time. they've managed to survive this far, though, so - maybe they will. is it selfish, to wish to stay alive for this?
[ yin yu says, and some of that warmth bleeds into his tone. maybe one day, he won't be a coward, and maybe - maybe one day, he could start to think he deserves even an ounce of this attention, this kindness that flayn has poured his way since they met.
he's not going to let history repeat itself, if he can help it. he wants to keep flayn safe, wants to solve the mysteries of this place, wants to protect her from its horrors. wants her to be able to break free of the limiters here and explode that magic outwards that he got to see, so that everyone here can even begin to understand how strong that she is.
in his hundreds of years of existence, there really hasn't been anyone like flayn. maybe, dianxia, but dianxia is different. dianxia is the love of hua cheng's life, dianxia is still just that to yin yu--dianxia, his royal highness. he'd never once call xie lian by his name.
...but this is different.
yin yu had never really understood his master's devotion, but... standing here like this, it feels like he's starting to. ]
[of course, he says, and that makes her smile. of course. as if it's normal for him to do whatever she asks (it kind of is), and to sound happy about it (it kind of is).
she hopes he knows that he can ask things of her, too. keeping watch over lili isn't the only thing she'll do if he asks; she owes him her life, but if she's being honest, he could ask pretty much any favor of her and she would want to do it.
not for the first time, she wishes she could introduce him to seteth, so that her remaining family could know how important he is to her. maybe his being near her would bring him peace of mind - he's capable, after all.
she's not sure she'd want to expose him to his brother's scrutiny, but -
"I merely asked him if he was prepared to lay his life on the line for my beloved sister."
it's one test yin yu would pass with flying colors, though she never wants him to have to.
...the time when she should probably step out of the hug is coming, but - flayn finds that she doesn't want to. so, for now, she stays close to him, her head resting on his chest and her arms around him, more at peace than she has been in a very, very long time.]
yin yu has often found the company of others difficult. not because he wanted it to be, but rather, because he had just accepted it. he was able to quietly exist in hua cheng's presence, but besides that, he faded in and out of the world, and found solace in solitude. solitude meant that when he was a ticking time bomb, there was no way it would hurt someone else.
flayn saw that, though. she watched yin yu explode from his own eyes, felt every emotion he felt, and she still wanted to stay. it is a wonder to him that she stands here. that she walks with him, talks with him. after that, it felt like everything was a surprise. (but he knows, maybe, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. that someone like flayn could accept someone like him is a miracle.)
he should probably be letting go, right? that's what he should do. it's..
... he doesn't want to. for a moment longer, he stays, and when yin yu finally starts to pull back, it's not by very much. just enough to look down at flayn, properly. warmth blooms in his chest, again, a flower in springtime, and this time, it's only his.
if yin yu's smiling, he doesn't notice. if he should say something, he hasn't found the words. at least not yet. the look in his eyes, muted and small as it is, is close to marveling. ]
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fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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[they're a matched pair! ...though a constant loop of worrying does, perhaps, make for a disastrous combination. maybe she should keep her distance, so he has less to worry over - but she doesn't want that, selfish as it may be.
his voice doesn't betray him, but unfortunately for him, flayn isn't really content with just staying as they are. she leans into him to stay close - he's warm, it's cold out there, and he did want her to get warmed up before she rushed off again, didn't he? so she'll allow herself to indulge in this - but at the same time she turns slightly, so that she can look up at him, and -
oh. his face.
without thinking, she reaches up to touch his cheek. his skin is hot under her fingertips, and it makes her brows furrow in concern. she bites her lip.]
...are you alright?
[has he been running a fever this whole time and she just didn't notice?]
1/2
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and now, instead of dealing with his own emotions, he is dealing with someone else's. they're just piled on top of his own, but they are like bricks compared to yin yu's usual level of emotional reaction. he'd be flustered by this anyway, but while lili is off having a very good night, apparently, yin yu is dying. he's so busy focusing on not looking at flayn and trying to keep his heart very still that he almost doesn't notice when she turns to look at him, and then there are fingertips touching his cheek.
yin yu turns his head, surprised, looking down, and flayn is right there. he freezes like a surprised animal, mouth opening kind of stupidly as lili's emotions, somewhere, surge in a feeling of love and something else that yin yu refuses to even consider.
in moments that require a lot of emotional load, yin yu tends to short circuit.
this is no exception to that. any words he was actually going to say just pour right out of his ears. the fact that he doesn't make a stupid noise is frankly shocking. caught somewhere between i need to make sure she knows i'm fine and what the hell and lady lili is too much and flayn is the most incredible, beautiful girl i've ever seen in my life he -
clears his throat, and doesn't move, arm still around her shoulders, a trooper, head dipping down a little. unintentionally, it makes him lean into her fingertips, head bowing forward so she doesn't have to reach. ] I - I'm fine, my lady. Everything is fine.
[ he is the opposite of fine. he has never been less fine. or maybe he is fine? it is nice? she's so lovely. this is - stop oh my gods ]
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[because, well - she knows. back on the island, she'd been running a fever. neena had almost felt her forehead to check for it, but she'd avoided it, not wanting the others to worry; two days later, she dropped dead.
she can't think how yin yu might have gotten poisoned, unless -
the fan. they had talked about shinobu's blade being coated in poison. if nie huaisang's fan could cut, could it not also have been poisoned in some way? her heart tightens uncomfortably, and she - perhaps mercifully, for him - draws her hand away from his cheek and shrugs off his shoulder to step away.
in an instant, she's looking through the medicines.]
If you have a fever, then— there must be something here for it...
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Lady Flayn- [ - and his hand wraps around her wrist, catches it. it's really just to try and keep her from having to get medicine for a fever he absolutely does not have; the move forward doesn't make his momentum stop entirely, though and he almost runs into her, barely stopping himself, still holding her wrist, his other arm going out to catch against the counter so he doesn't actually run into her.
it's left them in a bit of a precarious position. unintentionally, he's ended up caging her against the counter, blinking wide, dark eyes at her. ]
.......Ah.
[ THIS IS WORSE? THIS IS WORSE. oh gods. the alarm in his brain practically screams (part of it screams yes and the rest of it hits that part with a shovel) and he shuts it down as fast as possible, immediately releasing her hand and lifting his arm up and out of the way.]
I--I don't. Lady Flayn, I promise, I would not hide it from you if I was ill, you would be the first person to know, I just, [ somewhere, lili's teenager hormones are having a really good night and wreaking havoc on yin yu's entire life. ] ...I ... was just embarrassed, it's - [ fuck how does he even begin to explain any of this???
he gives up. putting his hands together, in a quick bow. ] - Forgive me.
[ no he doesn't have a fever. he's blushing, forehead down to his neck. ]
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she looks up at him, her eyes locking with his.
she can feel the heat pooling in her cheeks as she stares at him, and something about the way he hurriedly lets go of her wrist and pulls his arm back only makes her blush a deeper red. for a moment, that almost felt like -
no, no. that can't be it.
it's her imagination. it must be. it's wishful thinking to even wonder it (since when has that been something she wishes for?), and he doesn't need to deal with her imagination running away with her on top of everything else that's going on.]
There— there is nothing to forgive. [a beat.] I am sorry if I did something to cause you embarrassment...
[was it when she reached up to touch his face? maybe it was that. yes, that must have been it.
she's ignoring the fact that he was already blushing then, and that was why she reached out for him.]
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don't be ridiculous. gods, he's never been in so much of a tizzy in his life. flayn says something as he's trying to put everything back in order properly in his brain, and he ends up ducking his head again, apologetic, raising his hands as if to dispel even the thought. ]
No! No, no. [ i mean, yeah. flayn by existing embarrasses him sometimes, but that is definitely not her fault. he can say that it's lili throwing him off, but yin yu has spent the past six weeks with flayn, getting to know her in and out, and buried deeply underneath layers and layers of repression, and those wild emotions have nothing to do with the way he always, always, always has reached for flayn's hand. ] It's not that, you didn't.
[ mmm.... he reaches up, scrubbing his hand over his face, briefly, then lets it drop, back into his more proper bow. putting his head down lets him hide his face, and... a feeling of shame, too. ] I... I just. I should be apologizing for more than that. I shouldn't have let my thoughts drift to somewhere... [ ... ] ... somewhere inappropriate, and I did, my lady. I'm sorry.
[ god, admitting that is more embarrassing, but yin yu sticks to his proprieties, if nothing else. he has to admit to it, because it's only the right thing to do. flayn shouldn't have to be troubled because of this -- because of someone like him, either. ] I - I can get out of your sight. I'm sorry.
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[he says he can get out of her sight, and immediately - as quickly as she can - she reaches for his hand. that isn't what she wants at all, and he's already run from her once this week. frankly, she isn't sure she can take it if he runs from her again.
how inappropriate could his thoughts possibly be? it's yin yu - he's never been anything but respectful with her.
(...and would it really be so bad, if...)]
I never said I wanted you out of my sight. Whatever you may have been thinking, surely it cannot be that bad.
[her voice softens.]
...please do not leave me.
[please.]
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he does.
yin yu deflates, dropping his hands and straightening again, though his shoulders are a little more sloped than before. his cheeks are red, still, head still bowed, but...
he's not going anywhere. ] ...alright. [ he says, eventually, very softly. not a yes, my lady, but... an alright. yin yu, not a retainer.
yin yu still looks tense. it's clear he's still really, really embarrassed, and uncomfortable, and...guilty, too. to burden lady flayn with such a thing, of someone like himself... he doesn't make eye contact, either, eventually reaching up to rub his hand at the back of his neck. ] I just... I don't want you to be uncomfortable, nor should I - I wouldn't presume anything, my lady. I shouldn't have held you like that, either, I didn't even ask.
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[this right here is why her answer to which bad habit do you wish i would stop? had been not thinking well of yourself. flayn isn't sure there is anything that he could do that would make her uncomfortable enough with him to want him to leave, but he immediately assumes she isn't comfortable with him?
...maybe it's because he's not comfortable with her.
that thought makes her bite her lip.]
...I liked it, you know. [if his discomfort isn't because he was with her, though, but because he thinks he's made her uncomfortable - she needs to clear that up right away.] When you held me. You do not need to ask to do something like that.
[it was comforting, and in the moment, it had been exactly what she'd needed.]
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very, very surprised. ]
...oh.
[ oh. ]
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[now it's her turn to blush red to the tips of her ears - not that he can see them under her hair. she looks off to the side, a little flustered.
okay, a lot flustered.]
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[ well! if yin yu could get any more flustered, now would certainly be the time. it's starting to blotch down his neck, at this point. his heart feels like it's going five hundred miles an hour.
too bad he's too awkward to actually do anything with it at the moment, just sort of embarrassed and stunned. let them stare at each other and be flustered for a second.
hhh ] I can... that is, if you don't really mind...
[ he is struggling. ]
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[she says it quickly, before she can lose her nerve
and avoid him for a five-year timeskip. ...she'll feel pretty bad about this once she realizes that a big part of this is because he's sharing lili's emotions, but -she doesn't know that yet. he'd mentioned one person being bound to another following them into death; he hadn't mentioned anything like this.]
...would you hold me again, or would that be too uncomfortable for you?
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he can't admit to that out loud, nor can he say "yes that's fine" out loud without wanting to explode, either, so he just... drops his hands properly and opens his arms. they're low, hands at his waist, but, definitely open.
if. that's a thing flayn would like to do. ]
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a moment later, she steps forward to clear the distance between them, steps into his space, and wraps her arms around him to hug him.]
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flayn's...warm. she's wearing his coat still, and her hair smells good, and it's, arguably, probably the first time someone has hugged him in centuries.
his fingers flex, still awkward, still embarrassed, but...after a moment, he slowly moves to wrap his arms around her, too. he has to bow forward - standing like this, he could easily put his chin on her head, she's so small - but his grip is sure and warm, and his fingers curl slowly in the material of the outer robe, too.
it's a hug! really hope she can't feel how hard his heart is beating from that close but that's fine.]
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she's smiling, though.
his arms around her are warm and secure, and she settles herself against him, relaxing into the hug as she breathes out, then breathes in deeply. she's a little flustered, but yin yu makes her feel safe, and that, more than anything, has her relaxed.
he'll practically be able to feel the tension draining out of her, with his arms around her.]
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...this is really nice. by this point flayn can probably recognize that he's just tense because he's a little awkward, and given time, he will come around. sure enough, after a couple of seconds, he starts to melt a little, too, like a deflating balloon, until, finally, he leans over and nestles his cheek gently on top of her head.
he huffs, a quiet laugh, more nerves escaping than anything else, but... he's smiling too, shaking his head a bit at himself. it's a moment to center properly, to really try and put lili's emotions back behind a wall where they belong properly. ] ...I'm sorry for acting strangely.
[ yin yu gives her a little squeeze. he's--he's glad. he's not letting go. ] And if I worried you, too.
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[she won't say it wasn't a little strange, because... well, it was. she's seen him flustered before. perhaps she's even flustered to this extent, before, when she was demonstrating how she planned to fight one of her roommates off if the need ever arose (was that really just shy of a month ago?) - but that had been when she had been intending for it.
this time, she hadn't even been trying. it's... flattering, almost. it makes her feel warm, even if it is a little embarrassing for them both.
but it's not bad.]
...I am just glad that you did not leave.
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he nods, a little, into her hair, finally feeling some of the embarrassment start to disappear. the low warmth of lili's love is starting to entangle with his own, now; it's something calmer, like low waves, something that suits him far more. a fondness (that later he will realize with some amount of horror is probably going to be translated back the other way.) ]
...you asked. [ he says, by way of an answer. you asked me to stay; i'll stay. even if he was embarrassed, even if he wanted to run, if flayn needed him, he'd be here.
a beat, and then. ] ...I'm glad I didn't, either. [ ok he's hiding his face again. embarrassing. ]
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...it will take time to get there. gods, she hopes they have time. they've managed to survive this far, though, so - maybe they will. is it selfish, to wish to stay alive for this?
maybe she's a selfish person, after all.]
Thank you.
[for staying. for listening.]
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[ yin yu says, and some of that warmth bleeds into his tone. maybe one day, he won't be a coward, and maybe - maybe one day, he could start to think he deserves even an ounce of this attention, this kindness that flayn has poured his way since they met.
he's not going to let history repeat itself, if he can help it. he wants to keep flayn safe, wants to solve the mysteries of this place, wants to protect her from its horrors. wants her to be able to break free of the limiters here and explode that magic outwards that he got to see, so that everyone here can even begin to understand how strong that she is.
in his hundreds of years of existence, there really hasn't been anyone like flayn. maybe, dianxia, but dianxia is different. dianxia is the love of hua cheng's life, dianxia is still just that to yin yu--dianxia, his royal highness. he'd never once call xie lian by his name.
...but this is different.
yin yu had never really understood his master's devotion, but... standing here like this, it feels like he's starting to. ]
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she hopes he knows that he can ask things of her, too. keeping watch over lili isn't the only thing she'll do if he asks; she owes him her life, but if she's being honest, he could ask pretty much any favor of her and she would want to do it.
not for the first time, she wishes she could introduce him to seteth, so that her remaining family could know how important he is to her. maybe his being near her would bring him peace of mind - he's capable, after all.
she's not sure she'd want to expose him to his brother's scrutiny, but -
"I merely asked him if he was prepared to lay his life on the line for my beloved sister."
it's one test yin yu would pass with flying colors, though she never wants him to have to.
...the time when she should probably step out of the hug is coming, but - flayn finds that she doesn't want to. so, for now, she stays close to him, her head resting on his chest and her arms around him, more at peace than she has been in a very, very long time.]
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yin yu has often found the company of others difficult. not because he wanted it to be, but rather, because he had just accepted it. he was able to quietly exist in hua cheng's presence, but besides that, he faded in and out of the world, and found solace in solitude. solitude meant that when he was a ticking time bomb, there was no way it would hurt someone else.
flayn saw that, though. she watched yin yu explode from his own eyes, felt every emotion he felt, and she still wanted to stay. it is a wonder to him that she stands here. that she walks with him, talks with him. after that, it felt like everything was a surprise. (but he knows, maybe, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. that someone like flayn could accept someone like him is a miracle.)
he should probably be letting go, right? that's what he should do. it's..
... he doesn't want to. for a moment longer, he stays, and when yin yu finally starts to pull back, it's not by very much. just enough to look down at flayn, properly. warmth blooms in his chest, again, a flower in springtime, and this time, it's only his.
if yin yu's smiling, he doesn't notice. if he should say something, he hasn't found the words. at least not yet. the look in his eyes, muted and small as it is, is close to marveling. ]
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speed tags cause i know you're on lunch
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