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a nice girl who is definitely your age ([personal profile] fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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shixiong: the ramblings of a lunatic (61)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-10 12:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[ he is not listening or looking, more or less comatose so that he doesn't have to think about what is going on behind him, eyes closed, ever a polite gentleman. it gives him a minute to put his thoughts back together properly, anyway, and the sound of her voice brings him back.

...oh, she's still...she put his outer robe back on. his heart squeezes, useless and creaky with this sudden overwhelming wave of positive emotions. ]


...Do you need help, my lady? [ turning properly now, yin yu comes back over. he's still wearing his mask from his attempt to give her a little extra privacy, but, he'll come get the ties for her if she says yes, coming close enough to do so. ]
shixiong: lost my sense of home (43)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-10 01:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ with a little nod. ] Just a moment.

[ because of course! the garments aren't exactly simple to wear, especially if you aren't familiar with them, especially if the garment is way too big, and, of course he doesn't mind helping.

he bows his head a little to see properly, leaning over just a bit as he comes into her space. close like this again, it's easy to tell how warm she is, and admittedly, he's a little relieved that she's in cozy pajamas instead of her... outfit from earlier. it's a little less on his poor repressed heart that way.

except yin yu still has to reach in to tie the knot through, threading the silk tie through a tiny slit in the side as he had earlier. it's close - it's very close, flayn is right in front of him and very warm and very sweet and - his cheeks pinken under the mask as he moves to tie it with precise, tender care, pulling the tie as far as he can inwards so it at least should stay mostly in place. ]
shixiong: did i even make a sound? (39)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-10 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[ he likes it too. he is just, again, a big giant baby.

he’s just pulling his hands back from her when she asks; yin yu tilts his head. ]
Yes...?

[ ???? ]
shixiong: so i try and transcend my ego (49)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-10 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[ so very trusting of flayn, he's completely fine with letting her do whatever. he's not entirely sure what to expect when her hands come up, but suddenly his face is showing, and he...is staring at himself. or, at least what other people see so often.

yin yu bites his lip, clearly trying not to laugh, and quips: ]
-- Who are you, again?

[ see! unrecognizable.

(hearing flayn say his title is very cute, actually.) ]
shixiong: so i've got nothing to share (8)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 11:46 am (UTC)(link)
[ ugh she's too cute... too pure... this isn't allowed...

when she replicates his usual greeting, he pulls back just a little to do the same. fist to his hand, bowing his head. in his robe, which is way too big, and his mask, which is a little wrong on her face, flayn's yin yu impression isn't too bad.

he's smiling when he straightens, now, dark eyes twinkling a little with mirth. ]
Perhaps you'll take over my spot and I'll have to retire. The ghosts would be charmed.

[ yin yu gently reaches over, fingertips to the edge of the mask, gentle. it's strange to look at it; like looking at his own reflection. ] If my lady will forgive me, this doesn't suit you very much. There's no sense in hiding.
shixiong: did i even make a sound? (38)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 12:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[ well she's definitely succeeding. he'd like to bring flayn to visit ghost city someday, maybe, if only because it's home, but... thinking about the residents of the city...maybe it would be better if he never did. they're very nosy and they'd probably never leave her alone.

...anyway. the smile remains on his face for a moment longer, waiting for confirmation before he tips it up, gently, about to remove it properly.

it's. listening to her say such things about him, he mentally dismisses them. because he knows flayn is biased, somehow (that she likes him for some odd reason, that she thinks he's interesting, wants to spend time around him, he will never understand why) but. no one's even attempted to really say anything like that to him since... maybe even jian yu, and even then. you are wonderful.

lifting the mask up to that expression is what nearly knocks him the fuck out, and for a moment, he's quiet, still holding it now horizontal to show her face. flayn's words mean a lot to him, in a deep, insecure part of his soul. he's so long come to accept that he is nothing, no one, and never will be anyone that to have someone consistently poke at that part of him and tell him otherwise is... it's not enough to make him believe in it, but there's a tiny, hopeful part of him that soaks it up like a sponge, desperate for the thought that to someone, yin yu is worth something beyond his abilities and his work. not the xianxianyue officer. not even the once martial god of the west. him.

he doesn't know what to say. "thank you" is wrong. she'll be upset if he dismisses it. (even if he does, mentally.) he can't say "you're right" or "i will" because neither of those things are true. how to sum up what it means, to have someone care?

yin yu rarely does things impulsively, so maybe it's not that impulsive. but, still with the mask just up enough to show that expression on her face, like the dawning sun, he ducks inwards, and presses a soft, sweet kiss against her mouth, the first one that he initiates. ]
shixiong: lost my sense of home (43)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 12:46 pm (UTC)(link)
[ for a moment, he's about to pull back too quickly, anxiety jumping that it was probably too much - why would you do that, she wouldn't want you to - but flayn's fingers gripping tight to the front of his robes act as an anchor. it feels like every emotional part of him is all mixed up, gratitude and warmth and happiness and confusion and self loathing and anxiety all at once. for someone who hasn't felt a lot in a long time, it's very disorienting to suddenly just feel.

...but, he allows himself to do so. even if it's very new territory, in so many ways. with flayn - who has always been a hand reaching for him - it doesn't feel quite as scary. (even if the idea of ruining it terrifies him like an eventuality, that there is no way something this good in his life could possibly last.)

the kiss lingers, this time. he tries to put that gratitude into it. thank you, for seeing me, for thinking those things, even though they aren't true, i can't tell you how much it means to me, thank you. even though yin yu has no idea what he's doing (which is an odd, vaguely anxiety inducing feeling) he perseveres forward with it anyway, and pulls back a little slowly, heart racing, as he finally lifts the mask off proper. ]
shixiong: don't feel good enough for them (48)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 01:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ color bursts all over yin yu's face pretty much the minute she starts looking at him like that. the smile, the warmth, the affection, her red cheeks, he is not strong enough--

yin yu doesn't quite wheeze, but he half laughs and drops his head, shaking it a little, an embarrassed laugh bubbling out of his chest. he's not so flustered that he's running away - in fact, he's barely moved from where he's still settled near flayn, and he's still even smiling a little - but he cannot look at her when she's making that face because it's like looking directly into the sun. ]


...sorry. [ he says, though, much like earlier in the day, it's not for the kiss itself. it's for the fact that he's a weenie, which becomes increasingly obvious by the second. (it was probably already obvious.) ducked in low to kiss her ,his head down, he has to look up a little to meet her eyes through his lashes, a bit sheepish, shy. ] I - am not very good at this.

[ haha. understatement! ]

[ 💦 ]
shixiong: is to stop me deeply diving (79)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 01:33 pm (UTC)(link)
[ it is always embarrassment. but, you know, as far as today has gone, this is one of the less embarrassing moments. he will mentally unpack everything that led to where they are right now at least thirty times later, and be mortified at various parts of it from start to finish.

it's a good kind of embarrassed, anyway. a squirmy, butterflies in your stomach kind. it makes him want to smile about as much as it makes him want to run off and hide and that's a lot for him.

all you have to be is you, she says. who is he, anyway? how could that possibly even come to be anywhere near enough to someone like flayn? how lucky has he been to even stand in her orbit? to do something like this just feels so absurdly, wildly out of something like a dream. ]
I...

[ he's too flustered to say anything along those lines. it feels too big, some chasm of self loathing he can't even fathom beginning to cross. still, yin yu gives her a smile, a little hesitant, but...genuine. ] - I'll do my best for you, my lady. [ eventually, is what he settles on. even though his best isn't nearly good enough. if yin yu could even begin to do something that would do right by this person in front of him, it would at least be a start. he's never done anything half assed in his entire life, and if someone is going to like him still, even though he's talentless, even though he's boring, even though he had a chance to be something and it fell apart, even though he's just bad -

gods willing - or not - he's going to try his best to do it right. ]
shixiong: on the outside always looking in (14.)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[ yin yu can't help but smile a little back at her too, though, less hesitant. there's affection in his eyes, even if it's quiet, a warmth that fills his expression that he would think to be practically foreign if he could see it on his face. yin yu nods, because flayn... flayn is always doing her best, too. and her best is eons beyond his, because the earnest way that she tries, that she does things - even when she fails, sometimes - is so heartening that it feels light just to be in her presence. it's comforting. it's really nice.

...right. okay. yeah. he should probably pull away from her. he's still kind of hovering, leaned over for the kiss from before, still holding his mask, and... doesn't...move right away, brain skipping like a record, a little stupidly.

some of that flush blotches down the side of his neck, and he stumbles mentally over what he was going to say, because he needs to at least make sure she knows - ]
If...ah. If I ever make you uncomfortable or anything...please don't hesitate to tell me.

[ he doesn't want to mess that up, either. inevitably, he will. eventually flayn will figure out that she's beyond him. one day she'll recognize just how far out of his league she really is. (she... she'll learn about the island, eventually, a small, dreadful parts of him reminds him. but she learned about quan yizhen, too, and even now, she stands here. arguably nothing will ever baffle him more than that.) ]
shixiong: would anyone listen to this? (57)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 02:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ ...

he can't help but laugh, a little. ]
I think it would be quite obvious.

[ IE: he'd run. he knows it. she knows it. yin yu is absolutely, clearly, aware of his own personality defects and that is one of them.

but! to assuage any worry, yin yu nods, finally straightening up a bit more. ]
...but I'll tell you, although I have yet to feel that way. [ just a little embarrassed! or a lot embarrassed. it's nothing he can't handle. (and...really, every time he's been embarrassed, it's ended. pretty well. so.

aaaaa.) ]
I promise.
shixiong: so i wait around for an answer to appear (20)

[personal profile] shixiong 2020-07-11 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad to hear that. [ there, that helps loosen up any real concern. small smile present still, he just looks -- really fond, down at flayn, a little pleased, a genuine little spark of warmth that's going to be following him for days.

flayn has done so much for him. in terms of many of his other small relationships that he's started to build in camp - they probably wouldn't have existed without her gentle coaxing, all the way back at the island. she's pulled him out of his comfort zone, but never in a way he wasn't able to handle. never in a way that did anything bad; on the contrary, it seemed to just make things better. bit by bit, week by week, he's stepped slowly out of his reclusive shell.

...and now this. what a nice, strange change. ]


If you feel that I'm trustworthy in any sort of manner, then... that makes me quite happy, my lady. [ the corner of his mouth lifts a little higher, a loose butterfly in his chest like one of chengzhu's. ] And if there's as always anything I can do to help make you happy, I'll do so.

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