fishingforcompliments | [not again] catchall for yin yu

[ he's taking a step back, just about ready to vanish. as always yin yu is good at that: he can make himself disappear without even trying. he really doesn't even have the right to be looking at flayn right now, but as he's trying to step away, flayn tells him to stop and

he does.

yin yu deflates, dropping his hands and straightening again, though his shoulders are a little more sloped than before. his cheeks are red, still, head still bowed, but...

he's not going anywhere. ] ...alright. [ he says, eventually, very softly. not a yes, my lady, but... an alright. yin yu, not a retainer.

yin yu still looks tense. it's clear he's still really, really embarrassed, and uncomfortable, and...guilty, too. to burden lady flayn with such a thing, of someone like himself... he doesn't make eye contact, either, eventually reaching up to rub his hand at the back of his neck. ] I just... I don't want you to be uncomfortable, nor should I - I wouldn't presume anything, my lady. I shouldn't have held you like that, either, I didn't even ask.

I am not uncomfortable with you.

[this right here is why her answer to which bad habit do you wish i would stop? had been not thinking well of yourself. flayn isn't sure there is anything that he could do that would make her uncomfortable enough with him to want him to leave, but he immediately assumes she isn't comfortable with him?

...maybe it's because he's not comfortable with her.

that thought makes her bite her lip.]

...I liked it, you know. [if his discomfort isn't because he was with her, though, but because he thinks he's made her uncomfortable - she needs to clear that up right away.] When you held me. You do not need to ask to do something like that.

[it was comforting, and in the moment, it had been exactly what she'd needed.]

[ yin yu looks

very, very surprised. ]

...oh.

[ oh. ]

...

[now it's her turn to blush red to the tips of her ears - not that he can see them under her hair. she looks off to the side, a little flustered.

okay, a lot flustered.]

I... I see.

[ well! if yin yu could get any more flustered, now would certainly be the time. it's starting to blotch down his neck, at this point. his heart feels like it's going five hundred miles an hour.

too bad he's too awkward to actually do anything with it at the moment, just sort of embarrassed and stunned. let them stare at each other and be flustered for a second.

hhh ] I can... that is, if you don't really mind...

[ he is struggling. ]

I do not mind.

[she says it quickly, before she can lose her nerve ~~and avoid him for a five-year timeskip~~. ...she'll feel pretty bad about this once she realizes that a big part of this is because he's sharing lili's emotions, but -

she doesn't know that yet. he'd mentioned one person being bound to another following them into death; he hadn't mentioned anything like this.]

...would you hold me again, or would that be too uncomfortable for you?

[ at this point, whatever lili's doing has started to cool off a bit. he's mostly just embarrassed of his own right, and things are at a manageable enough level that he can tamp down on lili, which leaves him... just embarrassed, as yin yu, while the girl that he likes (oh gods) is asking him to hug her. (oh gods.)

he can't admit to that out loud, nor can he say "yes that's fine" out loud without wanting to explode, either, so he just... drops his hands properly and opens his arms. they're low, hands at his waist, but, definitely open.

if. that's a thing flayn would like to do. ]

[that is indeed a thing flayn would like to do. yin yu has not known a moment's peace since he started spending his time with her - so why would he expect to find some now? flayn smiles, her cheeks still a bit pink.

a moment later, she steps forward to clear the distance between them, steps into his space, and wraps her arms around him to hug him.]

[ when he peeks up long enough at her to see her smile, his heart does a backflip. internally, yin yu scolds himself for it, embarrassed at this behavior that is absolutely not like him, but he doesn't get much time otherwise, because then she's there.

flayn's...warm. she's wearing his coat still, and her hair smells good, and it's, arguably, probably the first time someone has hugged him in centuries.

his fingers flex, still awkward, still embarrassed, but...after a moment, he slowly moves to wrap his arms around her, too. he has to bow forward - standing like this, he could easily put his chin on her head, she's so small - but his grip is sure and warm, and his fingers curl slowly in the material of the outer robe, too.

it's a hug! really hope she can't feel how hard his heart is beating from that close but that's fine.]

[this isn't the first time in centuries she's been hugged, but it's the first time in the more than a millennia she's been alive that a hug has made her feel like this. her face warms, but luckily, like this, he can't see it.

she's smiling, though.

his arms around her are warm and secure, and she settles herself against him, relaxing into the hug as she breathes out, then breathes in deeply. she's a little flustered, but yin yu makes her feel safe, and that, more than anything, has her relaxed.

he'll practically be able to feel the tension draining out of her, with his arms around her.]

[ this is...

...this is really nice. by this point flayn can probably recognize that he's just tense because he's a little awkward, and given time, he will come around. sure enough, after a couple of seconds, he starts to melt a little, too, like a deflating balloon, until, finally, he leans over and nestles his cheek gently on top of her head.

he huffs, a quiet laugh, more nerves escaping than anything else, but... he's smiling too, shaking his head a bit at himself. it's a moment to center properly, to really try and put lili's emotions back behind a wall where they belong properly. ] ...I'm sorry for acting strangely.

[ yin yu gives her a little squeeze. he's--he's glad. he's not letting go. ] And if I worried you, too.

It is alright.

[she won't say it wasn't a little strange, because... well, it was. she's seen him flustered before. perhaps she's even flustered to this extent, before, when she was demonstrating how she planned to fight one of her roommates off if the need ever arose (was that really just shy of a month ago?) - but that had been when she had been intending for it.

this time, she hadn't even been trying. it's... flattering, almost. it makes her feel warm, even if it is a little embarrassing for them both.

but it's not bad.]

...I am just glad that you did not leave.

[ that's because you don't have to try, silly. granted, usually, he can keep reactions off of his face, but...well, today has been a bit of a strange exception.

he nods, a little, into her hair, finally feeling some of the embarrassment start to disappear. the low warmth of lili's love is starting to entangle with his own, now; it's something calmer, like low waves, something that suits him far more. a fondness (that later he will realize with some amount of horror is probably going to be translated back the other way.) ]

...you asked. [ he says, by way of an answer. you asked me to stay; i'll stay. even if he was embarrassed, even if he wanted to run, if flayn needed him, he'd be here.

a beat, and then. ] ...I'm glad I didn't, either. [ ok he's hiding his face again. embarrassing. ]

[someday, she hopes he'll stay without her having to ask.

...it will take time to get there. gods, she hopes they have time. they've managed to survive this far, though, so - maybe they will. is it selfish, to wish to stay alive for this?

maybe she's a selfish person, after all.]

Thank you.

[for staying. for listening.]

...of course, my lady.

[ yin yu says, and some of that warmth bleeds into his tone. maybe one day, he won't be a coward, and maybe - maybe one day, he could start to think he deserves even an ounce of this attention, this kindness that flayn has poured his way since they met.

he's not going to let history repeat itself, if he can help it. he wants to keep flayn safe, wants to solve the mysteries of this place, wants to protect her from its horrors. wants her to be able to break free of the limiters here and explode that magic outwards that he got to see, so that everyone here can even begin to understand how strong that she is.

in his hundreds of years of existence, there really hasn't been anyone like flayn. maybe, dianxia, but dianxia is different. dianxia is the love of hua cheng's life, dianxia is still just that to yin yu--dianxia, his royal highness. he'd never once call xie lian by his name.

...but this is different.

yin yu had never really understood his master's devotion, but... standing here like this, it feels like he's starting to. ]

[of course, he says, and that makes her smile. of course. as if it's normal for him to do whatever she asks (it kind of is), and to sound happy about it (it kind of is).

she hopes he knows that he can ask things of her, too. keeping watch over lili isn't the only thing she'll do if he asks; she owes him her life, but if she's being honest, he could ask pretty much any favor of her and she would want to do it.

not for the first time, she wishes she could introduce him to seteth, so that her remaining family could know how important he is to her. maybe his being near her would bring him peace of mind - he's capable, after all.

she's not sure she'd want to expose him to his brother's scrutiny, but -

"I merely asked him if he was prepared to lay his life on the line for my beloved sister."

it's one test yin yu would pass with flying colors, though she never wants him to have to.

...the time when she should probably step out of the hug is coming, but - flayn finds that she doesn't want to. so, for now, she stays close to him, her head resting on his chest and her arms around him, more at peace than she has been in a very, very long time.]

[ slowly, things come to a standstill.

yin yu has often found the company of others difficult. not because he wanted it to be, but rather, because he had just accepted it. he was able to quietly exist in hua cheng's presence, but besides that, he faded in and out of the world, and found solace in solitude. solitude meant that when he was a ticking time bomb, there was no way it would hurt someone else.

flayn saw that, though. she watched yin yu explode from his own eyes, felt every emotion he felt, and she still wanted to stay. it is a wonder to him that she stands here. that she walks with him, talks with him. after that, it felt like everything was a surprise. (but he knows, maybe, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. that someone like flayn could accept someone like him is a miracle.)

he should probably be letting go, right? that's what he should do. it's..

... he doesn't want to. for a moment longer, he stays, and when yin yu finally starts to pull back, it's not by very much. just enough to look down at flayn, properly. warmth blooms in his chest, again, a flower in springtime, and this time, it's only his.

if yin yu's smiling, he doesn't notice. if he should say something, he hasn't found the words. at least not yet. the look in his eyes, muted and small as it is, is close to marveling. ]

[he's smiling, and the sight of it warms her heart. flayn's probably seen him smile more often than others here, but she really can't get enough of it.

and his expression, the look in his eyes - well, as he draws back, she loosens her hold on him and looks up, and it takes her breath away. maybe she should say something, but she doesn't, almost afraid to shatter the moment.

if she stays quiet, this doesn't necessarily have to end, does it?

she wants this moment to last just a little longer. she wants to remember everything about it, and carry it with her for however many ages her life may span.]

[ lady flayn is..

she's really lovely.

it's something to notice about her on first glance, because she is beautiful, but over the years, yin yu has more or less come to ignore these things. he's not remotely in that league, too plain faced, too boring, too nobody, and so, in a passive way, he'd noticed and moved on, once.

but over the weeks, he's gotten to really know flayn, because she's always reached out to him, and he's .. starting to reach back, too. and in that time, he's learned that it's everything about her that's lovely. her kindness. her smile. the way her eyes lit up when yin yu brought her a book. how she talks about her brother, fond even if a little pouty. the way she cares for others. even the way she slayed a huge monster in a memory. the way she gathers flowers for the dead so people don't forget them. the way she remembers.

it's... everything about her is lovely.

he finds himself really looking, at this close of a distance, finds that he doesn't really want to pull away. as yin yu eventually moves his hands, starting to move away from the hug, he pauses, and his hands come to curl gently at the collar of the robe he'd lent her. it's starting to fall, entirely too big for her frame, and - just for the excuse, just for the second longer, yin yu gently readjusts it, pulling it back up properly, the knuckles of his hands brushing against her shoulders with the touch. ]

[she might not have had the nerve, if he'd simply let go. but even after his arms loosen from around her, he doesn't step fully away. instead, his hands linger at the collar of the robe, adjusting it into place.

his knuckles brush against her shoulders. she looks up into his face, her expression equal parts fond and hopeful.

...he doesn't often say what he wants. she knows that about him by now. but she also knows that he's quick to try and leave when he wants to, even if he's willing to stay when she calls out for him not to.

so, for him to be staying with her like this, now -

she can't help but hope. just a little.

before she's fully aware of what she's doing, her hands come to rest against his chest to help her balance, palms mostly flat but fingers gripping the fabric of his clothing, and she goes up on her tiptoes to brush her lips very lightly against his.]

[ yin yu is three hundred years old. in those hundreds of years, he has seen many things--some good, some terrible, none worse than that day in the heavens that flayn now knows.

in the three hundred years that he has lived, he has never once been kissed, until right now.

but it doesn't surprise him, not that much, because he starts to see it coming. yin yu's clever and observant, always quick to pick up on the tics of others, to prepare himself in battle and life, alike. centuries of solitude and observing others for chengzhu have taught him how to know what's coming, and when flayn rises on her tiptoes, before he really knows it, yin yu has tilted his head downwards that tiny bit to make it a little easier, so she doesn't have to strain. like it's instinct, to make things more comfortable, for flayn.

because it is.

and so, yin yu lets himself, for a brief, tiny minute, think that maybe, as she comes closer, maybe , no, it's not, you're overthinking

--and then, just like that it happens.

his eyes are still open, surprised, fingers curled in the silk fabric of the robe, a flush starting to bloom on his face again, but it's chaste, and it's soft, and sweet, when flayn kisses him.

and yin yu doesn't run away. ]

[he doesn't run, although she's given him good cause to.

i'm embarrassed, he'd said - and then she turns around and does this. but she can't bring herself to regret it, not really. ...not when he hasn't run. does that mean he's okay with what happened, or—?

cheeks pink, looks up at him through her eyelashes as she pulls back. the kiss isn't long and lingering or anything like that - she hasn't mustered up the nerve to try, and even if she had, that doesn't seem like something yin yu would want - but she keeps her hands where they are, and doesn't step away from him, as she gauges his reaction.

she's holding her breath, waiting.

hoping.]

[ that look itself nearly takes him out. it's too much, the affection like a direct shot in the chest, as he processes what just happened. one tiny little brush of their lips together and his mouth is tingling, and flayn is looking at him like that, and it's overwhelming.

he leans forward and -

at the last second, he chickens out. instead of going for the kiss, he leans forward and, very gently, rests his forehead against hers. he can't just do that, can't just give into his emotions (which immediately tell him exactly what he should be doing), not after a whole life of doing the opposite. eyes closed, cheeks pink -

(he's smiling, still. it's so tiny, but its there. wondrous, tiny. there.) ] Lady Flayn, [ he asks, now, voice so quiet, a little hesitant in the space between them. ] ...may I...?

[ he can't just do it, because yin yu is a coward.

so he'll ask for permission, first. ]

[she thinks he's going to go for it - but then he doesn't. there is a brief moment where her heart sinks, where she wonders if he regrets this, before he speaks.

oh.

he doesn't regret this after all. he's still here, still close to her, willing to stay and apparently wanting this, enough to ask for it, and it feels like more than she could possibly have hoped for. her fingers tighten in his robe.

with his forehead pressed against hers, she can't nod. she has to speak, and so she does.]

Yes. [her voice comes out breathlessly.] Please.

[he asks permission, and she gives it in a heartbeat.]

[ he's expecting a no.

and that will be fine. it's - he can't really fathom why she did that, or really much of anything right now. if flayn says no, he will be gone, but, maybe...

and just like that, she says yes.

with a soft huff of an exhale, almost a laugh - its a little nervous - he says, ] ...okay. Okay. [ and shifts where his hands are resting. they come to very gently cup her cheeks, inside, like flayn is the most precious thing in the world (she is) and this time, there's no need to be afraid.

that lets him lean in, to kiss her, too. it's just once, just as soft and chaste, feather light and just a little shy, but it's an affirmation if there ever was one. it feels like his heart might burst.

up until now, this has been one of the worst weeks of yin yu's life. this little moment (every little moment this week by her side) has been a shining, warm exception.]

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