[someday, she hopes he'll stay without her having to ask.
...it will take time to get there. gods, she hopes they have time. they've managed to survive this far, though, so - maybe they will. is it selfish, to wish to stay alive for this?
[ yin yu says, and some of that warmth bleeds into his tone. maybe one day, he won't be a coward, and maybe - maybe one day, he could start to think he deserves even an ounce of this attention, this kindness that flayn has poured his way since they met.
he's not going to let history repeat itself, if he can help it. he wants to keep flayn safe, wants to solve the mysteries of this place, wants to protect her from its horrors. wants her to be able to break free of the limiters here and explode that magic outwards that he got to see, so that everyone here can even begin to understand how strong that she is.
in his hundreds of years of existence, there really hasn't been anyone like flayn. maybe, dianxia, but dianxia is different. dianxia is the love of hua cheng's life, dianxia is still just that to yin yu--dianxia, his royal highness. he'd never once call xie lian by his name.
...but this is different.
yin yu had never really understood his master's devotion, but... standing here like this, it feels like he's starting to. ]
[of course, he says, and that makes her smile. of course. as if it's normal for him to do whatever she asks (it kind of is), and to sound happy about it (it kind of is).
she hopes he knows that he can ask things of her, too. keeping watch over lili isn't the only thing she'll do if he asks; she owes him her life, but if she's being honest, he could ask pretty much any favor of her and she would want to do it.
not for the first time, she wishes she could introduce him to seteth, so that her remaining family could know how important he is to her. maybe his being near her would bring him peace of mind - he's capable, after all.
she's not sure she'd want to expose him to his brother's scrutiny, but -
"I merely asked him if he was prepared to lay his life on the line for my beloved sister."
it's one test yin yu would pass with flying colors, though she never wants him to have to.
...the time when she should probably step out of the hug is coming, but - flayn finds that she doesn't want to. so, for now, she stays close to him, her head resting on his chest and her arms around him, more at peace than she has been in a very, very long time.]
yin yu has often found the company of others difficult. not because he wanted it to be, but rather, because he had just accepted it. he was able to quietly exist in hua cheng's presence, but besides that, he faded in and out of the world, and found solace in solitude. solitude meant that when he was a ticking time bomb, there was no way it would hurt someone else.
flayn saw that, though. she watched yin yu explode from his own eyes, felt every emotion he felt, and she still wanted to stay. it is a wonder to him that she stands here. that she walks with him, talks with him. after that, it felt like everything was a surprise. (but he knows, maybe, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. that someone like flayn could accept someone like him is a miracle.)
he should probably be letting go, right? that's what he should do. it's..
... he doesn't want to. for a moment longer, he stays, and when yin yu finally starts to pull back, it's not by very much. just enough to look down at flayn, properly. warmth blooms in his chest, again, a flower in springtime, and this time, it's only his.
if yin yu's smiling, he doesn't notice. if he should say something, he hasn't found the words. at least not yet. the look in his eyes, muted and small as it is, is close to marveling. ]
[he's smiling, and the sight of it warms her heart. flayn's probably seen him smile more often than others here, but she really can't get enough of it.
and his expression, the look in his eyes - well, as he draws back, she loosens her hold on him and looks up, and it takes her breath away. maybe she should say something, but she doesn't, almost afraid to shatter the moment.
if she stays quiet, this doesn't necessarily have to end, does it?
she wants this moment to last just a little longer. she wants to remember everything about it, and carry it with her for however many ages her life may span.]
it's something to notice about her on first glance, because she is beautiful, but over the years, yin yu has more or less come to ignore these things. he's not remotely in that league, too plain faced, too boring, too nobody, and so, in a passive way, he'd noticed and moved on, once.
but over the weeks, he's gotten to really know flayn, because she's always reached out to him, and he's .. starting to reach back, too. and in that time, he's learned that it's everything about her that's lovely. her kindness. her smile. the way her eyes lit up when yin yu brought her a book. how she talks about her brother, fond even if a little pouty. the way she cares for others. even the way she slayed a huge monster in a memory. the way she gathers flowers for the dead so people don't forget them. the way she remembers.
it's... everything about her is lovely.
he finds himself really looking, at this close of a distance, finds that he doesn't really want to pull away. as yin yu eventually moves his hands, starting to move away from the hug, he pauses, and his hands come to curl gently at the collar of the robe he'd lent her. it's starting to fall, entirely too big for her frame, and - just for the excuse, just for the second longer, yin yu gently readjusts it, pulling it back up properly, the knuckles of his hands brushing against her shoulders with the touch. ]
[she might not have had the nerve, if he'd simply let go. but even after his arms loosen from around her, he doesn't step fully away. instead, his hands linger at the collar of the robe, adjusting it into place.
his knuckles brush against her shoulders. she looks up into his face, her expression equal parts fond and hopeful.
...he doesn't often say what he wants. she knows that about him by now. but she also knows that he's quick to try and leave when he wants to, even if he's willing to stay when she calls out for him not to.
so, for him to be staying with her like this, now -
she can't help but hope. just a little.
before she's fully aware of what she's doing, her hands come to rest against his chest to help her balance, palms mostly flat but fingers gripping the fabric of his clothing, and she goes up on her tiptoes to brush her lips very lightly against his.]
[ yin yu is three hundred years old. in those hundreds of years, he has seen many things--some good, some terrible, none worse than that day in the heavens that flayn now knows.
in the three hundred years that he has lived, he has never once been kissed, until right now.
but it doesn't surprise him, not that much, because he starts to see it coming. yin yu's clever and observant, always quick to pick up on the tics of others, to prepare himself in battle and life, alike. centuries of solitude and observing others for chengzhu have taught him how to know what's coming, and when flayn rises on her tiptoes, before he really knows it, yin yu has tilted his head downwards that tiny bit to make it a little easier, so she doesn't have to strain. like it's instinct, to make things more comfortable, for flayn.
because it is.
and so, yin yu lets himself, for a brief, tiny minute, think that maybe, as she comes closer, maybe , no, it's not, you're overthinking
--and then, just like that it happens.
his eyes are still open, surprised, fingers curled in the silk fabric of the robe, a flush starting to bloom on his face again, but it's chaste, and it's soft, and sweet, when flayn kisses him.
[he doesn't run, although she's given him good cause to.
i'm embarrassed, he'd said - and then she turns around and does this. but she can't bring herself to regret it, not really. ...not when he hasn't run. does that mean he's okay with what happened, or—?
cheeks pink, looks up at him through her eyelashes as she pulls back. the kiss isn't long and lingering or anything like that - she hasn't mustered up the nerve to try, and even if she had, that doesn't seem like something yin yu would want - but she keeps her hands where they are, and doesn't step away from him, as she gauges his reaction.
[ that look itself nearly takes him out. it's too much, the affection like a direct shot in the chest, as he processes what just happened. one tiny little brush of their lips together and his mouth is tingling, and flayn is looking at him like that, and it's overwhelming.
he leans forward and -
at the last second, he chickens out. instead of going for the kiss, he leans forward and, very gently, rests his forehead against hers. he can't just do that, can't just give into his emotions (which immediately tell him exactly what he should be doing), not after a whole life of doing the opposite. eyes closed, cheeks pink -
(he's smiling, still. it's so tiny, but its there. wondrous, tiny. there.) ] Lady Flayn, [ he asks, now, voice so quiet, a little hesitant in the space between them. ] ...may I...?
[ he can't just do it, because yin yu is a coward.
[she thinks he's going to go for it - but then he doesn't. there is a brief moment where her heart sinks, where she wonders if he regrets this, before he speaks.
oh.
he doesn't regret this after all. he's still here, still close to her, willing to stay and apparently wanting this, enough to ask for it, and it feels like more than she could possibly have hoped for. her fingers tighten in his robe.
with his forehead pressed against hers, she can't nod. she has to speak, and so she does.]
Yes. [her voice comes out breathlessly.] Please.
[he asks permission, and she gives it in a heartbeat.]
and that will be fine. it's - he can't really fathom why she did that, or really much of anything right now. if flayn says no, he will be gone, but, maybe...
and just like that, she says yes.
with a soft huff of an exhale, almost a laugh - its a little nervous - he says, ] ...okay. Okay. [ and shifts where his hands are resting. they come to very gently cup her cheeks, inside, like flayn is the most precious thing in the world (she is) and this time, there's no need to be afraid.
that lets him lean in, to kiss her, too. it's just once, just as soft and chaste, feather light and just a little shy, but it's an affirmation if there ever was one. it feels like his heart might burst.
up until now, this has been one of the worst weeks of yin yu's life. this little moment (every little moment this week by her side) has been a shining, warm exception.]
[there is a lot flayn doesn't understand about the world.
...it's why she likes reading books and listening to others' tales so much, since there aren't many opportunities for her to go out and experience things for herself. but no story could have prepared her for this.
oh, sure - it feels like her heart is fluttering, and she knew to expect that from the tales. but knowing about it isn't anywhere near enough for how this actually feels. right here, with yin yu so close and his lips on hers, she feels as light as air. so happy my heart might burst is a line she's heard in stories, too.
she understands that now, and though she'd always thought that sensation would sort of hurt, it doesn't at all.
cupping her cheeks, he'll feel that they're warm under his hands. she kisses him back, slowly and carefully and gently, and thinks to herself that maybe her thoughts before were premature. being held by him was nice, but this is the moment that she wants to last forever.]
[ flayn's cheeks are warm. it's such a silly detail to notice in the moment, but everything about her is just. warm. considering what they have, and what they've lost (what they almost lost, permanently, on the island.), it feels even more precious.
it's every silly, cheesy trope you could think of. it's butterflies, a million silver ones like chengzhu's wraith creatures, overwhelmingly warm and so much, but it's the right kind of overwhelming. he doesn't know how to kiss someone - he barely knows how to talk to people, most days - but there's nothing nervewracking about such a tiny, tender gesture (at least not now that it's started.) eyes closed, for the first time in a while, yin yu just allows himself to feel something positive. unlike with lili's emotions trying to knock him over, these... these are his. uninfluenced, unhindered. just teetering on the edge of something bigger than he's ever really dared to name, since this all started, something he's still too scared to even start to say, lest he curse it all, lest one day he blinks and things are normal, and she's forgotten him.
(or worse, that something happens. again.)
it takes yin yu just a little longer to pull back, lingering as flayn does, letting reality return slowly around him. he doesn't go far, blinking open his dark eyes again to look at flayn, to register what really happened.
...and then, he huffs a flustered laugh, a smile coming up on his face, and he has to duck his head and raise his shoulders, looking to the side. he's too embarrassed, too shy to show his expression. he's sure he looks absolutely stupid, and yin yu shakes his head, resisting the urge to cover his mouth, because he's smiling. he can't stop smiling, and that has nothing to do with lili. even if it's little, it's huge for him. ] ...sorry. Haha.
[ the apology is a little hopeless, more sheepish like the little laugh, along the lines of sorry, i got embarrassed, i had to pull away. that smile is harder to hide than he really knows. ] I.
[ .... ] I don't think I know what to say. [ and he laughs, again, sheepish, embarrassed, kind of wanting to sink into a hole in the ground but also kind of wanting to kiss her again. or five more times. this is a lot for him have mercy ]
[he apologizes, but - although the words themselves are frightening, almost as if they might be a herald of him being about to leave, the tone in which he speaks them is not. he doesn't sound regretful.
and he isn't poised to run. he pulls back from the kiss, but he doesn't go far. he doesn't step away from her. she knows how quickly he could vanish if he really wanted to, and though she knows now that she could call him back to her side, it means everything to her that even as mixed-up as this feels, he's going to stay.]
[ he says, because there are things he wants to say. things like if you'll have me i'll stay as long as you want, and i know that was probably bad, i'm sorry and, i want you to stay, too, but it's entirely too much for someone like yin yu, who arguably has forgotten how to be happy, let alone how to have any sort of emotion like this.
he peeks back at her properly, head still ducked. yin yu is tall, but his personality has always been too little for his size, and he makes himself smaller in most situations. this isn't that different, but here it's a little boyish, flustered, but not wanting to really look away.
now that his hands are away from his own face, yin yu's not really sure what to do with them, either, and in the end, he just sort of. gives into his instincts and lifts one again to brush a knuckle against her pink cheek. it's. she's really cute.
he's really happy. it's muted, but if you know him well enough, you'd be hardpressed to miss it. ] ...even if it's a bit silly to stay in the nurse's cabin, my lady.
[ that's maybe a little bit of a joke. they are standing somewhere they almost died like two weeks ago.
[her cheek is warm under his knuckle, and with a smile, she leans into the touch. his hand is gentle, and there's no mistaking the affection in her gaze as she looks up into his face.
by now, she knows him well enough to tell that he really does look happy, and that makes her heart flutter pleasantly. if he's really happy about this, then... if he really will stay with her, and let her stay with him...
(part of her wonders if it's asking for too much, to be allowed this sort of happiness in a place like this. part of her is a little afraid that it will, somehow, be ripped away from her. if yin yu walks into that executioner's ring tomorrow, and if nie huaisang, against all odds, manages to turn it around on him...
no. no, that won't happen. she has to believe that it won't.)]
Is there somewhere else you would rather go?
[...she was the one running around, before he called to her in an attempt to get her to bundle up and get warm - but he has quite effectively distracted her from that. she's been keeping herself busy so she doesn't have to be left alone with her thoughts, after everything, but this is a much more pleasant sort of white noise.]
[ can't believe britt is death flagging me in her own tags, wow ]
... Perhaps we should get you warmer clothes. [ that was the original plan, wasn't it? they'd just taken a detour, because yin yu had cut his fingers a tiny bit and flayn wanted to take care of it, because that's the kind of kindhearted person that she is.
yin yu had been doing much of the same before this, too. distracting himself is his usual mo after trials, often hard to find, but when he's not gone, he has always seem to find himself by flayn's side. so this isn't an unusual night, except for the fact that it is, in every way you can imagine.
glancing back down again, he catches the edge of his robe to pull it back up to her shoulders again properly. it really is very long on her, and it cannot actually be all that helpful to keep out any sort of chill with that (very lovely) (damn it, lili) outfit. ] You're welcome to keep this for now, but... it would be best for it to be only temporary. To sleep this way, you may catch a chill.
I can walk you back. [ ...he'd like that very much. ]
[sisi stop it's fine we know he's not getting picked]
Ah... perhaps.
[she likes his robe, though. it had kept her warm before, and it's keeping her warm now - though, arguably, yin yu himself is doing more of that than his robe is. it's fine. she won't think about that too much, so neither one of them will get embarrassed.
(they'll get embarrassed anyway.)]
That is kind of you... thank you.
[onward to find some warmer clothes, then. part of flayn wants to drag it out - but for now, she'll reach for his hand so that when they walk out of here together, she can be holding onto it.]
Of course. [ he says with that same sensation, that it's obvious. that of course he would be happy to walk with her, but... he'd be happy just to spend the time with her, too. maybe lady flayn won't notice, if he walks just a little slower than usual on their way back.
yin yu takes her hand when it's offered, palm to palm, and when they step through the door and out into the cold, he automatically shifts to thread their fingers together instead. like it could be that much warmer, as much as he could keep her safer by holding her that little bit close.
the chill is a nice dose of reality, though, one much needed. yin yu puts himself a little bit in front of flayn, to help block any of the wind with his much taller frame. it might be nice to walk slower, true, but what if she gets cold... ah...
definitely the right thing to do to head back to the cabins. let's just start there. hand in hand, they can walk, together. ]
[she's thinking the same thing, though - maybe he won't notice if she walks just a little slower.
because she knows that he won't stay with her overnight. they stayed together for curfew, but that was with a group. it would be different, to invite him to stay, especially after what had just happened between them. even if nothing would happen - and it wouldn't, because yin yu is a gentleman, even if she's, uh, more than willing to not let him be so gentlemanly if he wanted to - she's a little too flustered to bring it up first.
so, drawing this out by walking slowly, while she holds tightly to his hand, is about the best she can do.]
[ he'd probably stay, if she asked. after all, it's not the first time. or the second, or even the third, that they've spent a night together for curfew. yin yu gave up his bed to her once, the second time was in that group, and the third... was also in a group, but, well, he could say he's never fallen asleep and woken up so close to someone else before, too, so.
it's hard not to be distracted. his thoughts drift more than usual, and he ends up drifting in his steps, too, though it's more so to try and keep the wind away from flayn. he barely feels it through the layers of silk he's usually clothed in, but it makes him concerned for her, too, so. he's being considerate, trying to stay nearby. that's all.
ahhhh... it's hard to really sort out everything in a way that lets him talk properly. he's a bit too shy to say anything, and a bit too stunned that all of that happened, too.
[it's very difficult not to be distracted, but flayn keeps looping back to the warmth of her hand in his. the chill of the air is sharp on her cheeks, and a single silk robe isn't quite enough to block out all of the cold, but...
it's enough. she likes having him nearby. they could probably just walk all night and she would be fine with it.
...but - as they're approaching the cabin - well, the week isn't over yet. and suddenly, yin yu will find himself experiencing yet another of flayn's memories through her eyes.
(pretend the professor is a woman and the classmates in the battle are the black eagles, LPers don't love my canonpoint.)]
[ oh... the memory comes on as they have all week long. yin yu thought they were finished - or, at least the reprieve was enough - but, suddenly, he's seeing through flayn's eyes again.
the flowers, the memorials, the voice of her brother--no, her father, the woman who is the 'professor'. her mother.
when it fades, he blinks back to reality, footsteps stopping for a brief moment, as he looks at flayn beside him. these memories are always hard to process, and it's best that they're processed with care. his hand squeezes in flayn's, as it slows, and he feels a well of emotion in his throat that must not entirely be his own as it fades.
they haven't talked about her memories from the first time they shared them. he can still remember the details--and connecting it with the panicked voice from the memories, it seems to make sense. ] Your.. Lady Flayn.
[...it hadn't been sad, at the time. not exactly. for flayn, her mother had always been a source of inspiration. she knows exactly what sort of person she was, and how she cared for her family.
she would have wanted them to remember her fondly, and to think back on her with a smile.
now, though - the peace of those days more than a thousand years in the past, and the gentle fondness with which she remembered her mother at the monument are fleeting. it wouldn't hit so hard if she didn't want to go home quite so badly.
...but having him here makes it a little easier. she grips yin yu's hand tightly.
in the present moment, she reminds herself.]
My mother would have liked you. [she manages a small smile. it's brief, but it's there.] Very much. I am certain that she would have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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...it will take time to get there. gods, she hopes they have time. they've managed to survive this far, though, so - maybe they will. is it selfish, to wish to stay alive for this?
maybe she's a selfish person, after all.]
Thank you.
[for staying. for listening.]
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[ yin yu says, and some of that warmth bleeds into his tone. maybe one day, he won't be a coward, and maybe - maybe one day, he could start to think he deserves even an ounce of this attention, this kindness that flayn has poured his way since they met.
he's not going to let history repeat itself, if he can help it. he wants to keep flayn safe, wants to solve the mysteries of this place, wants to protect her from its horrors. wants her to be able to break free of the limiters here and explode that magic outwards that he got to see, so that everyone here can even begin to understand how strong that she is.
in his hundreds of years of existence, there really hasn't been anyone like flayn. maybe, dianxia, but dianxia is different. dianxia is the love of hua cheng's life, dianxia is still just that to yin yu--dianxia, his royal highness. he'd never once call xie lian by his name.
...but this is different.
yin yu had never really understood his master's devotion, but... standing here like this, it feels like he's starting to. ]
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she hopes he knows that he can ask things of her, too. keeping watch over lili isn't the only thing she'll do if he asks; she owes him her life, but if she's being honest, he could ask pretty much any favor of her and she would want to do it.
not for the first time, she wishes she could introduce him to seteth, so that her remaining family could know how important he is to her. maybe his being near her would bring him peace of mind - he's capable, after all.
she's not sure she'd want to expose him to his brother's scrutiny, but -
"I merely asked him if he was prepared to lay his life on the line for my beloved sister."
it's one test yin yu would pass with flying colors, though she never wants him to have to.
...the time when she should probably step out of the hug is coming, but - flayn finds that she doesn't want to. so, for now, she stays close to him, her head resting on his chest and her arms around him, more at peace than she has been in a very, very long time.]
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yin yu has often found the company of others difficult. not because he wanted it to be, but rather, because he had just accepted it. he was able to quietly exist in hua cheng's presence, but besides that, he faded in and out of the world, and found solace in solitude. solitude meant that when he was a ticking time bomb, there was no way it would hurt someone else.
flayn saw that, though. she watched yin yu explode from his own eyes, felt every emotion he felt, and she still wanted to stay. it is a wonder to him that she stands here. that she walks with him, talks with him. after that, it felt like everything was a surprise. (but he knows, maybe, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. that someone like flayn could accept someone like him is a miracle.)
he should probably be letting go, right? that's what he should do. it's..
... he doesn't want to. for a moment longer, he stays, and when yin yu finally starts to pull back, it's not by very much. just enough to look down at flayn, properly. warmth blooms in his chest, again, a flower in springtime, and this time, it's only his.
if yin yu's smiling, he doesn't notice. if he should say something, he hasn't found the words. at least not yet. the look in his eyes, muted and small as it is, is close to marveling. ]
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and his expression, the look in his eyes - well, as he draws back, she loosens her hold on him and looks up, and it takes her breath away. maybe she should say something, but she doesn't, almost afraid to shatter the moment.
if she stays quiet, this doesn't necessarily have to end, does it?
she wants this moment to last just a little longer. she wants to remember everything about it, and carry it with her for however many ages her life may span.]
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she's really lovely.
it's something to notice about her on first glance, because she is beautiful, but over the years, yin yu has more or less come to ignore these things. he's not remotely in that league, too plain faced, too boring, too nobody, and so, in a passive way, he'd noticed and moved on, once.
but over the weeks, he's gotten to really know flayn, because she's always reached out to him, and he's .. starting to reach back, too. and in that time, he's learned that it's everything about her that's lovely. her kindness. her smile. the way her eyes lit up when yin yu brought her a book. how she talks about her brother, fond even if a little pouty. the way she cares for others. even the way she slayed a huge monster in a memory. the way she gathers flowers for the dead so people don't forget them. the way she remembers.
it's... everything about her is lovely.
he finds himself really looking, at this close of a distance, finds that he doesn't really want to pull away. as yin yu eventually moves his hands, starting to move away from the hug, he pauses, and his hands come to curl gently at the collar of the robe he'd lent her. it's starting to fall, entirely too big for her frame, and - just for the excuse, just for the second longer, yin yu gently readjusts it, pulling it back up properly, the knuckles of his hands brushing against her shoulders with the touch. ]
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his knuckles brush against her shoulders. she looks up into his face, her expression equal parts fond and hopeful.
...he doesn't often say what he wants. she knows that about him by now. but she also knows that he's quick to try and leave when he wants to, even if he's willing to stay when she calls out for him not to.
so, for him to be staying with her like this, now -
she can't help but hope. just a little.
before she's fully aware of what she's doing, her hands come to rest against his chest to help her balance, palms mostly flat but fingers gripping the fabric of his clothing, and she goes up on her tiptoes to brush her lips very lightly against his.]
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in the three hundred years that he has lived, he has never once been kissed, until right now.
but it doesn't surprise him, not that much, because he starts to see it coming. yin yu's clever and observant, always quick to pick up on the tics of others, to prepare himself in battle and life, alike. centuries of solitude and observing others for chengzhu have taught him how to know what's coming, and when flayn rises on her tiptoes, before he really knows it, yin yu has tilted his head downwards that tiny bit to make it a little easier, so she doesn't have to strain. like it's instinct, to make things more comfortable, for flayn.
because it is.
and so, yin yu lets himself, for a brief, tiny minute, think that maybe, as she comes closer, maybe , no, it's not, you're overthinking
--and then, just like that it happens.
his eyes are still open, surprised, fingers curled in the silk fabric of the robe, a flush starting to bloom on his face again, but it's chaste, and it's soft, and sweet, when flayn kisses him.
and yin yu doesn't run away. ]
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i'm embarrassed, he'd said - and then she turns around and does this. but she can't bring herself to regret it, not really. ...not when he hasn't run. does that mean he's okay with what happened, or—?
cheeks pink, looks up at him through her eyelashes as she pulls back. the kiss isn't long and lingering or anything like that - she hasn't mustered up the nerve to try, and even if she had, that doesn't seem like something yin yu would want - but she keeps her hands where they are, and doesn't step away from him, as she gauges his reaction.
she's holding her breath, waiting.
hoping.]
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he leans forward and -
at the last second, he chickens out. instead of going for the kiss, he leans forward and, very gently, rests his forehead against hers. he can't just do that, can't just give into his emotions (which immediately tell him exactly what he should be doing), not after a whole life of doing the opposite. eyes closed, cheeks pink -
(he's smiling, still. it's so tiny, but its there. wondrous, tiny. there.) ] Lady Flayn, [ he asks, now, voice so quiet, a little hesitant in the space between them. ] ...may I...?
[ he can't just do it, because yin yu is a coward.
so he'll ask for permission, first. ]
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oh.
he doesn't regret this after all. he's still here, still close to her, willing to stay and apparently wanting this, enough to ask for it, and it feels like more than she could possibly have hoped for. her fingers tighten in his robe.
with his forehead pressed against hers, she can't nod. she has to speak, and so she does.]
Yes. [her voice comes out breathlessly.] Please.
[he asks permission, and she gives it in a heartbeat.]
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and that will be fine. it's - he can't really fathom why she did that, or really much of anything right now. if flayn says no, he will be gone, but, maybe...
and just like that, she says yes.
with a soft huff of an exhale, almost a laugh - its a little nervous - he says, ] ...okay. Okay. [ and shifts where his hands are resting. they come to very gently cup her cheeks, inside, like flayn is the most precious thing in the world (she is) and this time, there's no need to be afraid.
that lets him lean in, to kiss her, too. it's just once, just as soft and chaste, feather light and just a little shy, but it's an affirmation if there ever was one. it feels like his heart might burst.
up until now, this has been one of the worst weeks of yin yu's life. this little moment (every little moment this week by her side) has been a shining, warm exception.]
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...it's why she likes reading books and listening to others' tales so much, since there aren't many opportunities for her to go out and experience things for herself. but no story could have prepared her for this.
oh, sure - it feels like her heart is fluttering, and she knew to expect that from the tales. but knowing about it isn't anywhere near enough for how this actually feels. right here, with yin yu so close and his lips on hers, she feels as light as air. so happy my heart might burst is a line she's heard in stories, too.
she understands that now, and though she'd always thought that sensation would sort of hurt, it doesn't at all.
cupping her cheeks, he'll feel that they're warm under his hands. she kisses him back, slowly and carefully and gently, and thinks to herself that maybe her thoughts before were premature. being held by him was nice, but this is the moment that she wants to last forever.]
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it's every silly, cheesy trope you could think of. it's butterflies, a million silver ones like chengzhu's wraith creatures, overwhelmingly warm and so much, but it's the right kind of overwhelming. he doesn't know how to kiss someone - he barely knows how to talk to people, most days - but there's nothing nervewracking about such a tiny, tender gesture (at least not now that it's started.) eyes closed, for the first time in a while, yin yu just allows himself to feel something positive. unlike with lili's emotions trying to knock him over, these... these are his. uninfluenced, unhindered. just teetering on the edge of something bigger than he's ever really dared to name, since this all started, something he's still too scared to even start to say, lest he curse it all, lest one day he blinks and things are normal, and she's forgotten him.
(or worse, that something happens. again.)
it takes yin yu just a little longer to pull back, lingering as flayn does, letting reality return slowly around him. he doesn't go far, blinking open his dark eyes again to look at flayn, to register what really happened.
...and then, he huffs a flustered laugh, a smile coming up on his face, and he has to duck his head and raise his shoulders, looking to the side. he's too embarrassed, too shy to show his expression. he's sure he looks absolutely stupid, and yin yu shakes his head, resisting the urge to cover his mouth, because he's smiling. he can't stop smiling, and that has nothing to do with lili. even if it's little, it's huge for him. ] ...sorry. Haha.
[ the apology is a little hopeless, more sheepish like the little laugh, along the lines of sorry, i got embarrassed, i had to pull away. that smile is harder to hide than he really knows. ] I.
[ .... ] I don't think I know what to say. [ and he laughs, again, sheepish, embarrassed, kind of wanting to sink into a hole in the ground but also kind of wanting to kiss her again. or five more times. this is a lot for him have mercy ]
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and he isn't poised to run. he pulls back from the kiss, but he doesn't go far. he doesn't step away from her. she knows how quickly he could vanish if he really wanted to, and though she knows now that she could call him back to her side, it means everything to her that even as mixed-up as this feels, he's going to stay.]
You do not need to say anything.
[If he doesn't want to, that is.]
...just staying with me is more than enough.
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[ he says, because there are things he wants to say. things like if you'll have me i'll stay as long as you want, and i know that was probably bad, i'm sorry and, i want you to stay, too, but it's entirely too much for someone like yin yu, who arguably has forgotten how to be happy, let alone how to have any sort of emotion like this.
he peeks back at her properly, head still ducked. yin yu is tall, but his personality has always been too little for his size, and he makes himself smaller in most situations. this isn't that different, but here it's a little boyish, flustered, but not wanting to really look away.
now that his hands are away from his own face, yin yu's not really sure what to do with them, either, and in the end, he just sort of. gives into his instincts and lifts one again to brush a knuckle against her pink cheek. it's. she's really cute.
he's really happy. it's muted, but if you know him well enough, you'd be hardpressed to miss it. ] ...even if it's a bit silly to stay in the nurse's cabin, my lady.
[ that's maybe a little bit of a joke. they are standing somewhere they almost died like two weeks ago.
what a nice memory to replace that with. ]
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by now, she knows him well enough to tell that he really does look happy, and that makes her heart flutter pleasantly. if he's really happy about this, then... if he really will stay with her, and let her stay with him...
(part of her wonders if it's asking for too much, to be allowed this sort of happiness in a place like this. part of her is a little afraid that it will, somehow, be ripped away from her. if yin yu walks into that executioner's ring tomorrow, and if nie huaisang, against all odds, manages to turn it around on him...
no. no, that won't happen. she has to believe that it won't.)]
Is there somewhere else you would rather go?
[...she was the one running around, before he called to her in an attempt to get her to bundle up and get warm - but he has quite effectively distracted her from that. she's been keeping herself busy so she doesn't have to be left alone with her thoughts, after everything, but this is a much more pleasant sort of white noise.]
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... Perhaps we should get you warmer clothes. [ that was the original plan, wasn't it? they'd just taken a detour, because yin yu had cut his fingers a tiny bit and flayn wanted to take care of it, because that's the kind of kindhearted person that she is.
yin yu had been doing much of the same before this, too. distracting himself is his usual mo after trials, often hard to find, but when he's not gone, he has always seem to find himself by flayn's side. so this isn't an unusual night, except for the fact that it is, in every way you can imagine.
glancing back down again, he catches the edge of his robe to pull it back up to her shoulders again properly. it really is very long on her, and it cannot actually be all that helpful to keep out any sort of chill with that (very lovely) (damn it, lili) outfit. ] You're welcome to keep this for now, but... it would be best for it to be only temporary. To sleep this way, you may catch a chill.
I can walk you back. [ ...he'd like that very much. ]
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Ah... perhaps.
[she likes his robe, though. it had kept her warm before, and it's keeping her warm now - though, arguably, yin yu himself is doing more of that than his robe is. it's fine. she won't think about that too much, so neither one of them will get embarrassed.
(they'll get embarrassed anyway.)]
That is kind of you... thank you.
[onward to find some warmer clothes, then. part of flayn wants to drag it out - but for now, she'll reach for his hand so that when they walk out of here together, she can be holding onto it.]
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Of course. [ he says with that same sensation, that it's obvious. that of course he would be happy to walk with her, but... he'd be happy just to spend the time with her, too. maybe lady flayn won't notice, if he walks just a little slower than usual on their way back.
yin yu takes her hand when it's offered, palm to palm, and when they step through the door and out into the cold, he automatically shifts to thread their fingers together instead. like it could be that much warmer, as much as he could keep her safer by holding her that little bit close.
the chill is a nice dose of reality, though, one much needed. yin yu puts himself a little bit in front of flayn, to help block any of the wind with his much taller frame. it might be nice to walk slower, true, but what if she gets cold... ah...
definitely the right thing to do to head back to the cabins. let's just start there. hand in hand, they can walk, together. ]
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because she knows that he won't stay with her overnight. they stayed together for curfew, but that was with a group. it would be different, to invite him to stay, especially after what had just happened between them. even if nothing would happen - and it wouldn't, because yin yu is a gentleman, even if she's, uh, more than willing to not let him be so gentlemanly if he wanted to - she's a little too flustered to bring it up first.
so, drawing this out by walking slowly, while she holds tightly to his hand, is about the best she can do.]
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it's hard not to be distracted. his thoughts drift more than usual, and he ends up drifting in his steps, too, though it's more so to try and keep the wind away from flayn. he barely feels it through the layers of silk he's usually clothed in, but it makes him concerned for her, too, so. he's being considerate, trying to stay nearby. that's all.
ahhhh... it's hard to really sort out everything in a way that lets him talk properly. he's a bit too shy to say anything, and a bit too stunned that all of that happened, too.
it's a nice, slow walk, despite the weather. ]
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it's enough. she likes having him nearby. they could probably just walk all night and she would be fine with it.
...but - as they're approaching the cabin - well, the week isn't over yet. and suddenly, yin yu will find himself experiencing yet another of flayn's memories through her eyes.
(pretend the professor is a woman and the classmates in the battle are the black eagles, LPers don't love my canonpoint.)]
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the flowers, the memorials, the voice of her brother--no, her father, the woman who is the 'professor'. her mother.
when it fades, he blinks back to reality, footsteps stopping for a brief moment, as he looks at flayn beside him. these memories are always hard to process, and it's best that they're processed with care. his hand squeezes in flayn's, as it slows, and he feels a well of emotion in his throat that must not entirely be his own as it fades.
they haven't talked about her memories from the first time they shared them. he can still remember the details--and connecting it with the panicked voice from the memories, it seems to make sense. ] Your.. Lady Flayn.
[ i'm sorry doesn't seem quite right.
he squeezes her hand. ]
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she would have wanted them to remember her fondly, and to think back on her with a smile.
now, though - the peace of those days more than a thousand years in the past, and the gentle fondness with which she remembered her mother at the monument are fleeting. it wouldn't hit so hard if she didn't want to go home quite so badly.
...but having him here makes it a little easier. she grips yin yu's hand tightly.
in the present moment, she reminds herself.]
My mother would have liked you. [she manages a small smile. it's brief, but it's there.] Very much. I am certain that she would have.
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speed tags cause i know you're on lunch
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