[ that look itself nearly takes him out. it's too much, the affection like a direct shot in the chest, as he processes what just happened. one tiny little brush of their lips together and his mouth is tingling, and flayn is looking at him like that, and it's overwhelming.
he leans forward and -
at the last second, he chickens out. instead of going for the kiss, he leans forward and, very gently, rests his forehead against hers. he can't just do that, can't just give into his emotions (which immediately tell him exactly what he should be doing), not after a whole life of doing the opposite. eyes closed, cheeks pink -
(he's smiling, still. it's so tiny, but its there. wondrous, tiny. there.) ] Lady Flayn, [ he asks, now, voice so quiet, a little hesitant in the space between them. ] ...may I...?
[ he can't just do it, because yin yu is a coward.
[she thinks he's going to go for it - but then he doesn't. there is a brief moment where her heart sinks, where she wonders if he regrets this, before he speaks.
oh.
he doesn't regret this after all. he's still here, still close to her, willing to stay and apparently wanting this, enough to ask for it, and it feels like more than she could possibly have hoped for. her fingers tighten in his robe.
with his forehead pressed against hers, she can't nod. she has to speak, and so she does.]
Yes. [her voice comes out breathlessly.] Please.
[he asks permission, and she gives it in a heartbeat.]
and that will be fine. it's - he can't really fathom why she did that, or really much of anything right now. if flayn says no, he will be gone, but, maybe...
and just like that, she says yes.
with a soft huff of an exhale, almost a laugh - its a little nervous - he says, ] ...okay. Okay. [ and shifts where his hands are resting. they come to very gently cup her cheeks, inside, like flayn is the most precious thing in the world (she is) and this time, there's no need to be afraid.
that lets him lean in, to kiss her, too. it's just once, just as soft and chaste, feather light and just a little shy, but it's an affirmation if there ever was one. it feels like his heart might burst.
up until now, this has been one of the worst weeks of yin yu's life. this little moment (every little moment this week by her side) has been a shining, warm exception.]
[there is a lot flayn doesn't understand about the world.
...it's why she likes reading books and listening to others' tales so much, since there aren't many opportunities for her to go out and experience things for herself. but no story could have prepared her for this.
oh, sure - it feels like her heart is fluttering, and she knew to expect that from the tales. but knowing about it isn't anywhere near enough for how this actually feels. right here, with yin yu so close and his lips on hers, she feels as light as air. so happy my heart might burst is a line she's heard in stories, too.
she understands that now, and though she'd always thought that sensation would sort of hurt, it doesn't at all.
cupping her cheeks, he'll feel that they're warm under his hands. she kisses him back, slowly and carefully and gently, and thinks to herself that maybe her thoughts before were premature. being held by him was nice, but this is the moment that she wants to last forever.]
[ flayn's cheeks are warm. it's such a silly detail to notice in the moment, but everything about her is just. warm. considering what they have, and what they've lost (what they almost lost, permanently, on the island.), it feels even more precious.
it's every silly, cheesy trope you could think of. it's butterflies, a million silver ones like chengzhu's wraith creatures, overwhelmingly warm and so much, but it's the right kind of overwhelming. he doesn't know how to kiss someone - he barely knows how to talk to people, most days - but there's nothing nervewracking about such a tiny, tender gesture (at least not now that it's started.) eyes closed, for the first time in a while, yin yu just allows himself to feel something positive. unlike with lili's emotions trying to knock him over, these... these are his. uninfluenced, unhindered. just teetering on the edge of something bigger than he's ever really dared to name, since this all started, something he's still too scared to even start to say, lest he curse it all, lest one day he blinks and things are normal, and she's forgotten him.
(or worse, that something happens. again.)
it takes yin yu just a little longer to pull back, lingering as flayn does, letting reality return slowly around him. he doesn't go far, blinking open his dark eyes again to look at flayn, to register what really happened.
...and then, he huffs a flustered laugh, a smile coming up on his face, and he has to duck his head and raise his shoulders, looking to the side. he's too embarrassed, too shy to show his expression. he's sure he looks absolutely stupid, and yin yu shakes his head, resisting the urge to cover his mouth, because he's smiling. he can't stop smiling, and that has nothing to do with lili. even if it's little, it's huge for him. ] ...sorry. Haha.
[ the apology is a little hopeless, more sheepish like the little laugh, along the lines of sorry, i got embarrassed, i had to pull away. that smile is harder to hide than he really knows. ] I.
[ .... ] I don't think I know what to say. [ and he laughs, again, sheepish, embarrassed, kind of wanting to sink into a hole in the ground but also kind of wanting to kiss her again. or five more times. this is a lot for him have mercy ]
[he apologizes, but - although the words themselves are frightening, almost as if they might be a herald of him being about to leave, the tone in which he speaks them is not. he doesn't sound regretful.
and he isn't poised to run. he pulls back from the kiss, but he doesn't go far. he doesn't step away from her. she knows how quickly he could vanish if he really wanted to, and though she knows now that she could call him back to her side, it means everything to her that even as mixed-up as this feels, he's going to stay.]
[ he says, because there are things he wants to say. things like if you'll have me i'll stay as long as you want, and i know that was probably bad, i'm sorry and, i want you to stay, too, but it's entirely too much for someone like yin yu, who arguably has forgotten how to be happy, let alone how to have any sort of emotion like this.
he peeks back at her properly, head still ducked. yin yu is tall, but his personality has always been too little for his size, and he makes himself smaller in most situations. this isn't that different, but here it's a little boyish, flustered, but not wanting to really look away.
now that his hands are away from his own face, yin yu's not really sure what to do with them, either, and in the end, he just sort of. gives into his instincts and lifts one again to brush a knuckle against her pink cheek. it's. she's really cute.
he's really happy. it's muted, but if you know him well enough, you'd be hardpressed to miss it. ] ...even if it's a bit silly to stay in the nurse's cabin, my lady.
[ that's maybe a little bit of a joke. they are standing somewhere they almost died like two weeks ago.
[her cheek is warm under his knuckle, and with a smile, she leans into the touch. his hand is gentle, and there's no mistaking the affection in her gaze as she looks up into his face.
by now, she knows him well enough to tell that he really does look happy, and that makes her heart flutter pleasantly. if he's really happy about this, then... if he really will stay with her, and let her stay with him...
(part of her wonders if it's asking for too much, to be allowed this sort of happiness in a place like this. part of her is a little afraid that it will, somehow, be ripped away from her. if yin yu walks into that executioner's ring tomorrow, and if nie huaisang, against all odds, manages to turn it around on him...
no. no, that won't happen. she has to believe that it won't.)]
Is there somewhere else you would rather go?
[...she was the one running around, before he called to her in an attempt to get her to bundle up and get warm - but he has quite effectively distracted her from that. she's been keeping herself busy so she doesn't have to be left alone with her thoughts, after everything, but this is a much more pleasant sort of white noise.]
[ can't believe britt is death flagging me in her own tags, wow ]
... Perhaps we should get you warmer clothes. [ that was the original plan, wasn't it? they'd just taken a detour, because yin yu had cut his fingers a tiny bit and flayn wanted to take care of it, because that's the kind of kindhearted person that she is.
yin yu had been doing much of the same before this, too. distracting himself is his usual mo after trials, often hard to find, but when he's not gone, he has always seem to find himself by flayn's side. so this isn't an unusual night, except for the fact that it is, in every way you can imagine.
glancing back down again, he catches the edge of his robe to pull it back up to her shoulders again properly. it really is very long on her, and it cannot actually be all that helpful to keep out any sort of chill with that (very lovely) (damn it, lili) outfit. ] You're welcome to keep this for now, but... it would be best for it to be only temporary. To sleep this way, you may catch a chill.
I can walk you back. [ ...he'd like that very much. ]
[sisi stop it's fine we know he's not getting picked]
Ah... perhaps.
[she likes his robe, though. it had kept her warm before, and it's keeping her warm now - though, arguably, yin yu himself is doing more of that than his robe is. it's fine. she won't think about that too much, so neither one of them will get embarrassed.
(they'll get embarrassed anyway.)]
That is kind of you... thank you.
[onward to find some warmer clothes, then. part of flayn wants to drag it out - but for now, she'll reach for his hand so that when they walk out of here together, she can be holding onto it.]
Of course. [ he says with that same sensation, that it's obvious. that of course he would be happy to walk with her, but... he'd be happy just to spend the time with her, too. maybe lady flayn won't notice, if he walks just a little slower than usual on their way back.
yin yu takes her hand when it's offered, palm to palm, and when they step through the door and out into the cold, he automatically shifts to thread their fingers together instead. like it could be that much warmer, as much as he could keep her safer by holding her that little bit close.
the chill is a nice dose of reality, though, one much needed. yin yu puts himself a little bit in front of flayn, to help block any of the wind with his much taller frame. it might be nice to walk slower, true, but what if she gets cold... ah...
definitely the right thing to do to head back to the cabins. let's just start there. hand in hand, they can walk, together. ]
[she's thinking the same thing, though - maybe he won't notice if she walks just a little slower.
because she knows that he won't stay with her overnight. they stayed together for curfew, but that was with a group. it would be different, to invite him to stay, especially after what had just happened between them. even if nothing would happen - and it wouldn't, because yin yu is a gentleman, even if she's, uh, more than willing to not let him be so gentlemanly if he wanted to - she's a little too flustered to bring it up first.
so, drawing this out by walking slowly, while she holds tightly to his hand, is about the best she can do.]
[ he'd probably stay, if she asked. after all, it's not the first time. or the second, or even the third, that they've spent a night together for curfew. yin yu gave up his bed to her once, the second time was in that group, and the third... was also in a group, but, well, he could say he's never fallen asleep and woken up so close to someone else before, too, so.
it's hard not to be distracted. his thoughts drift more than usual, and he ends up drifting in his steps, too, though it's more so to try and keep the wind away from flayn. he barely feels it through the layers of silk he's usually clothed in, but it makes him concerned for her, too, so. he's being considerate, trying to stay nearby. that's all.
ahhhh... it's hard to really sort out everything in a way that lets him talk properly. he's a bit too shy to say anything, and a bit too stunned that all of that happened, too.
[it's very difficult not to be distracted, but flayn keeps looping back to the warmth of her hand in his. the chill of the air is sharp on her cheeks, and a single silk robe isn't quite enough to block out all of the cold, but...
it's enough. she likes having him nearby. they could probably just walk all night and she would be fine with it.
...but - as they're approaching the cabin - well, the week isn't over yet. and suddenly, yin yu will find himself experiencing yet another of flayn's memories through her eyes.
(pretend the professor is a woman and the classmates in the battle are the black eagles, LPers don't love my canonpoint.)]
[ oh... the memory comes on as they have all week long. yin yu thought they were finished - or, at least the reprieve was enough - but, suddenly, he's seeing through flayn's eyes again.
the flowers, the memorials, the voice of her brother--no, her father, the woman who is the 'professor'. her mother.
when it fades, he blinks back to reality, footsteps stopping for a brief moment, as he looks at flayn beside him. these memories are always hard to process, and it's best that they're processed with care. his hand squeezes in flayn's, as it slows, and he feels a well of emotion in his throat that must not entirely be his own as it fades.
they haven't talked about her memories from the first time they shared them. he can still remember the details--and connecting it with the panicked voice from the memories, it seems to make sense. ] Your.. Lady Flayn.
[...it hadn't been sad, at the time. not exactly. for flayn, her mother had always been a source of inspiration. she knows exactly what sort of person she was, and how she cared for her family.
she would have wanted them to remember her fondly, and to think back on her with a smile.
now, though - the peace of those days more than a thousand years in the past, and the gentle fondness with which she remembered her mother at the monument are fleeting. it wouldn't hit so hard if she didn't want to go home quite so badly.
...but having him here makes it a little easier. she grips yin yu's hand tightly.
in the present moment, she reminds herself.]
My mother would have liked you. [she manages a small smile. it's brief, but it's there.] Very much. I am certain that she would have.
Thank you, my lady. That's very kind. [ yin yu gives a small dip of his head in acknowledgement to it, as humble as ever. death is a strange thing to deal with, for him--he has so few connections in his normal life that it is only dealing with the camp and the island that has made things rocky. he has always known it to be a part of life, and intimately so, in the ghost city. he's seen every manner of person, remembered or otherwise, just trying to get back to the cycle of reincarnation that everyone deserves to join.
but, lady flayn had been the one to show him how to leave memorials, weeks and weeks ago, and he'd done it unfailingly since, by her side. to see her replicate the same action in her memories is just a testament to the kind of person that she is.
his thumb sweeps briefly over the side of her hand. flayn needs to be able to go home, to see her father, to re-visit that monument, to go fishing. he will do everything in his power to make sure she makes it out of here as unscathed as he can so that can be achieved. home, family... such things are precious, when you still have them. ] Someday, I would like it if you would tell me about her, if you wouldn't mind.
[ who knows? maybe they can burn a little paper money for her, too. ]
[she would like that. maybe not now. right now, it feels a little raw - but they're fresh on the heels of seeing the memory. they haven't really talked about any of hers (which isn't surprising; flayn doesn't like keeping secrets, but she's grown accustomed to not talking about her past, and it's much easier to ask others about theirs than to answer questions about her own).
she shivers - it's still cold out, and they haven't stepped inside. even now, she isn't sure she wants to. it's probably safer to split up, though; the longer they spend together, the higher the chances there are of more memories being shared against their will.
(at least it didn't interrupt the kiss, she catches herself thinking, and blushes faintly.)]
...I am sorry - for not telling you, before. About my father, that is. [...] I am... in the habit of not referring to him as such.
[ as they reach the door of the cabin, yin yu gives flayn a small smile to her apology, shaking his head. ] It's alright. You are more than privy to your own secrets, my lady. It is only the nature of this place that forces us to pry.
[ yin yu really hates this memory thing. really, really hates it. he knows how it feels to be raw and vulnerable in ways that he has never been, now. too secretive. too ashamed. if anyone gets the idea of respecting privacy, it is yin yu, who would sooner vanish into the horizon before he told anyone a single thing about himself. even his name was hard to come by, for people at camp, for some time. so. he won't ask for details unless flayn wants to give them.
...even though, her true name still sits in the back of his mind, a carefully guarded secret. if she shares them with him, yin yu will do his best to make sure they're safe.
as he walks with her to the door, yin yu releases her hand. it's only for the moment to pull the robe back up a little tighter over her shoulders, so it covers more. he's standing close enough to block the wind, a little bit of body heat, and he does his best to cover any exposed skin, moving his hands to find the inner ties of the garment near the waist to pull it shut. it's entirely too big and does not come anywhere remotely near to being anything but a giant blanket in terms of shape, but, that's alright, too. tying a bow to the knot with careful fingers, he fusses, quietly. ] It would be best to head in quickly, and...you should drink something warm tonight, before you sleep. Tomorrow will be long, and I imagine no less cold than today.
Be that as it may, I... wanted to tell you myself.
[there are a lot of things she hasn't talked about, a lot of memories that are just... out there, now, that she wanted to tell him. but mustering up the courage to talk about things she's long kept silent on is harder than it sounds, and in the end, people have seen many of them before she could manage it.
it seems like it isn't quite enough. I wanted to tell you... but they'll never really know if she would have or not, in the end.
her face falls a little as he lets go of her hand, but it quickly becomes obvious why that's necessary - he's adjusting the robe so that it keeps her just a little warmer. yin yu has always been thoughtful like that, and it brings a light flush to her cheeks.]
I... [want you to stay. but he says head in quickly, so maybe he would rather go. she can't ask.] ...tomorrow, will you help me with the flowers again?
[if he promises her that he will -
well, she knows that if he does get called to be the executioner, he'll do what he can to see it through. but if they have plans, if they've made a promise, then he has to survive.]
I would be honored to. [ comes his answer, immediately. his eyes are still cast downwards as he fixes up the ties, makes sure that the bow on the knot is even. she'll be changing out of it in a moment, but even still.
he would be honored to participate in this kind thing that she has done, week after week. he participated when she couldn't, and... hopefully, it never has to come to that again. to know that it means so much to her makes it even more important.
his hands linger for a moment when he finishes, at her waist. as he starts to straighten a little further, he realizes quickly how close he is, and yin yu looks up to flayn's face from where he's ducked far down to fix her clothes, from underneath his lashes. there's hesitation, there, because -
because, he doesn't really want to leave her, either. but that's selfish of him, isn't it? she was doing things - flayn must have other errands to run this evening. at least he knows she'll do it and not be so cold.
either way, the hesitation means whatever he has to say dies on his tongue, and he's left just kind of looking at her for a moment, the color on his face not just from the cold. his heart does a backflip for the at least tenth time this evening. (at least some of them were because of lili, but he's got no excuse, now.) ]
[she can rest a little easier tonight, knowing that he'll be helping her tomorrow. yin yu would never tell her he would help her and then... not do it.
whatever happens in the execution ring, if it is him there, she knows he won't lay down his life.
...is it selfish to ask him to stay when it's what they both want?
it might not be - but flayn, unfortunately, does not quite realize that he wants to stay. the way his hands linger at her waist and the look in his eyes have her cheeks flushing, though, and her breath catches.
...she isn't able to draw her gaze away from him.]
I... [she sounds reluctant when she speaks, but:] ...I suppose I shall see you tomorrow...?
[ he's... staring, again. he can feel the tick of his heartbeat start to rise again, that butterflies feeling that's really, really difficult to squash down. flayn's looking at him now, too, and the nerves and anticipation are hard to talk around in his throat.
that reluctance. he knows that steph has been staying in his cabin, and ostensibly, will be there again tonight, especially after she went through today. 45 is a wildcard, but... ] If - if you don't want to be alone, after that, I...
[ the flush on his cheeks nearly doubles, blotching down his neck. they are standing outside, in the snow. it is freezing.
aaaaaaaaaaa that's probably as far as he can manage though ]
[it isn't a night with a curfew. there isn't really any reason, for safety's sake, that she needs his company.
but not needing his company isn't the same thing as not wanting it. and there is still the possibility that he might end up in the execution ring tomorrow. there's the horrible possibility that despite his best efforts, if he is chosen, it might get turned around on him.
if that doesn't happen - and she will be so relieved tomorrow when his name isn't called - then she's just worrying too much. but right now, in this moment, she can't be sure of that.
so, shouldn't she spend whatever time with him that she can?
her cheeks flush.]
...would it trouble you if I asked you to stay with me tonight?
well then. he blinks at her kind of stupidly, hands still half hovering at the bow of the robe, the cold wind practically nonexistent because he's so distracted. ]
...of course not. [ yin yu answers, a little slowly--and then has to duck his head, either exhaling in relief or just deflating. this is bad for his adrenaline.
besides, there are few things flayn could ask for that would be troubling... and even then, yin yu would probably still do them. ] If... my company would help, then I'm happy to stay.
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fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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he leans forward and -
at the last second, he chickens out. instead of going for the kiss, he leans forward and, very gently, rests his forehead against hers. he can't just do that, can't just give into his emotions (which immediately tell him exactly what he should be doing), not after a whole life of doing the opposite. eyes closed, cheeks pink -
(he's smiling, still. it's so tiny, but its there. wondrous, tiny. there.) ] Lady Flayn, [ he asks, now, voice so quiet, a little hesitant in the space between them. ] ...may I...?
[ he can't just do it, because yin yu is a coward.
so he'll ask for permission, first. ]
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oh.
he doesn't regret this after all. he's still here, still close to her, willing to stay and apparently wanting this, enough to ask for it, and it feels like more than she could possibly have hoped for. her fingers tighten in his robe.
with his forehead pressed against hers, she can't nod. she has to speak, and so she does.]
Yes. [her voice comes out breathlessly.] Please.
[he asks permission, and she gives it in a heartbeat.]
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and that will be fine. it's - he can't really fathom why she did that, or really much of anything right now. if flayn says no, he will be gone, but, maybe...
and just like that, she says yes.
with a soft huff of an exhale, almost a laugh - its a little nervous - he says, ] ...okay. Okay. [ and shifts where his hands are resting. they come to very gently cup her cheeks, inside, like flayn is the most precious thing in the world (she is) and this time, there's no need to be afraid.
that lets him lean in, to kiss her, too. it's just once, just as soft and chaste, feather light and just a little shy, but it's an affirmation if there ever was one. it feels like his heart might burst.
up until now, this has been one of the worst weeks of yin yu's life. this little moment (every little moment this week by her side) has been a shining, warm exception.]
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...it's why she likes reading books and listening to others' tales so much, since there aren't many opportunities for her to go out and experience things for herself. but no story could have prepared her for this.
oh, sure - it feels like her heart is fluttering, and she knew to expect that from the tales. but knowing about it isn't anywhere near enough for how this actually feels. right here, with yin yu so close and his lips on hers, she feels as light as air. so happy my heart might burst is a line she's heard in stories, too.
she understands that now, and though she'd always thought that sensation would sort of hurt, it doesn't at all.
cupping her cheeks, he'll feel that they're warm under his hands. she kisses him back, slowly and carefully and gently, and thinks to herself that maybe her thoughts before were premature. being held by him was nice, but this is the moment that she wants to last forever.]
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it's every silly, cheesy trope you could think of. it's butterflies, a million silver ones like chengzhu's wraith creatures, overwhelmingly warm and so much, but it's the right kind of overwhelming. he doesn't know how to kiss someone - he barely knows how to talk to people, most days - but there's nothing nervewracking about such a tiny, tender gesture (at least not now that it's started.) eyes closed, for the first time in a while, yin yu just allows himself to feel something positive. unlike with lili's emotions trying to knock him over, these... these are his. uninfluenced, unhindered. just teetering on the edge of something bigger than he's ever really dared to name, since this all started, something he's still too scared to even start to say, lest he curse it all, lest one day he blinks and things are normal, and she's forgotten him.
(or worse, that something happens. again.)
it takes yin yu just a little longer to pull back, lingering as flayn does, letting reality return slowly around him. he doesn't go far, blinking open his dark eyes again to look at flayn, to register what really happened.
...and then, he huffs a flustered laugh, a smile coming up on his face, and he has to duck his head and raise his shoulders, looking to the side. he's too embarrassed, too shy to show his expression. he's sure he looks absolutely stupid, and yin yu shakes his head, resisting the urge to cover his mouth, because he's smiling. he can't stop smiling, and that has nothing to do with lili. even if it's little, it's huge for him. ] ...sorry. Haha.
[ the apology is a little hopeless, more sheepish like the little laugh, along the lines of sorry, i got embarrassed, i had to pull away. that smile is harder to hide than he really knows. ] I.
[ .... ] I don't think I know what to say. [ and he laughs, again, sheepish, embarrassed, kind of wanting to sink into a hole in the ground but also kind of wanting to kiss her again. or five more times. this is a lot for him have mercy ]
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and he isn't poised to run. he pulls back from the kiss, but he doesn't go far. he doesn't step away from her. she knows how quickly he could vanish if he really wanted to, and though she knows now that she could call him back to her side, it means everything to her that even as mixed-up as this feels, he's going to stay.]
You do not need to say anything.
[If he doesn't want to, that is.]
...just staying with me is more than enough.
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[ he says, because there are things he wants to say. things like if you'll have me i'll stay as long as you want, and i know that was probably bad, i'm sorry and, i want you to stay, too, but it's entirely too much for someone like yin yu, who arguably has forgotten how to be happy, let alone how to have any sort of emotion like this.
he peeks back at her properly, head still ducked. yin yu is tall, but his personality has always been too little for his size, and he makes himself smaller in most situations. this isn't that different, but here it's a little boyish, flustered, but not wanting to really look away.
now that his hands are away from his own face, yin yu's not really sure what to do with them, either, and in the end, he just sort of. gives into his instincts and lifts one again to brush a knuckle against her pink cheek. it's. she's really cute.
he's really happy. it's muted, but if you know him well enough, you'd be hardpressed to miss it. ] ...even if it's a bit silly to stay in the nurse's cabin, my lady.
[ that's maybe a little bit of a joke. they are standing somewhere they almost died like two weeks ago.
what a nice memory to replace that with. ]
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by now, she knows him well enough to tell that he really does look happy, and that makes her heart flutter pleasantly. if he's really happy about this, then... if he really will stay with her, and let her stay with him...
(part of her wonders if it's asking for too much, to be allowed this sort of happiness in a place like this. part of her is a little afraid that it will, somehow, be ripped away from her. if yin yu walks into that executioner's ring tomorrow, and if nie huaisang, against all odds, manages to turn it around on him...
no. no, that won't happen. she has to believe that it won't.)]
Is there somewhere else you would rather go?
[...she was the one running around, before he called to her in an attempt to get her to bundle up and get warm - but he has quite effectively distracted her from that. she's been keeping herself busy so she doesn't have to be left alone with her thoughts, after everything, but this is a much more pleasant sort of white noise.]
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... Perhaps we should get you warmer clothes. [ that was the original plan, wasn't it? they'd just taken a detour, because yin yu had cut his fingers a tiny bit and flayn wanted to take care of it, because that's the kind of kindhearted person that she is.
yin yu had been doing much of the same before this, too. distracting himself is his usual mo after trials, often hard to find, but when he's not gone, he has always seem to find himself by flayn's side. so this isn't an unusual night, except for the fact that it is, in every way you can imagine.
glancing back down again, he catches the edge of his robe to pull it back up to her shoulders again properly. it really is very long on her, and it cannot actually be all that helpful to keep out any sort of chill with that (very lovely) (damn it, lili) outfit. ] You're welcome to keep this for now, but... it would be best for it to be only temporary. To sleep this way, you may catch a chill.
I can walk you back. [ ...he'd like that very much. ]
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Ah... perhaps.
[she likes his robe, though. it had kept her warm before, and it's keeping her warm now - though, arguably, yin yu himself is doing more of that than his robe is. it's fine. she won't think about that too much, so neither one of them will get embarrassed.
(they'll get embarrassed anyway.)]
That is kind of you... thank you.
[onward to find some warmer clothes, then. part of flayn wants to drag it out - but for now, she'll reach for his hand so that when they walk out of here together, she can be holding onto it.]
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Of course. [ he says with that same sensation, that it's obvious. that of course he would be happy to walk with her, but... he'd be happy just to spend the time with her, too. maybe lady flayn won't notice, if he walks just a little slower than usual on their way back.
yin yu takes her hand when it's offered, palm to palm, and when they step through the door and out into the cold, he automatically shifts to thread their fingers together instead. like it could be that much warmer, as much as he could keep her safer by holding her that little bit close.
the chill is a nice dose of reality, though, one much needed. yin yu puts himself a little bit in front of flayn, to help block any of the wind with his much taller frame. it might be nice to walk slower, true, but what if she gets cold... ah...
definitely the right thing to do to head back to the cabins. let's just start there. hand in hand, they can walk, together. ]
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because she knows that he won't stay with her overnight. they stayed together for curfew, but that was with a group. it would be different, to invite him to stay, especially after what had just happened between them. even if nothing would happen - and it wouldn't, because yin yu is a gentleman, even if she's, uh, more than willing to not let him be so gentlemanly if he wanted to - she's a little too flustered to bring it up first.
so, drawing this out by walking slowly, while she holds tightly to his hand, is about the best she can do.]
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it's hard not to be distracted. his thoughts drift more than usual, and he ends up drifting in his steps, too, though it's more so to try and keep the wind away from flayn. he barely feels it through the layers of silk he's usually clothed in, but it makes him concerned for her, too, so. he's being considerate, trying to stay nearby. that's all.
ahhhh... it's hard to really sort out everything in a way that lets him talk properly. he's a bit too shy to say anything, and a bit too stunned that all of that happened, too.
it's a nice, slow walk, despite the weather. ]
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it's enough. she likes having him nearby. they could probably just walk all night and she would be fine with it.
...but - as they're approaching the cabin - well, the week isn't over yet. and suddenly, yin yu will find himself experiencing yet another of flayn's memories through her eyes.
(pretend the professor is a woman and the classmates in the battle are the black eagles, LPers don't love my canonpoint.)]
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the flowers, the memorials, the voice of her brother--no, her father, the woman who is the 'professor'. her mother.
when it fades, he blinks back to reality, footsteps stopping for a brief moment, as he looks at flayn beside him. these memories are always hard to process, and it's best that they're processed with care. his hand squeezes in flayn's, as it slows, and he feels a well of emotion in his throat that must not entirely be his own as it fades.
they haven't talked about her memories from the first time they shared them. he can still remember the details--and connecting it with the panicked voice from the memories, it seems to make sense. ] Your.. Lady Flayn.
[ i'm sorry doesn't seem quite right.
he squeezes her hand. ]
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she would have wanted them to remember her fondly, and to think back on her with a smile.
now, though - the peace of those days more than a thousand years in the past, and the gentle fondness with which she remembered her mother at the monument are fleeting. it wouldn't hit so hard if she didn't want to go home quite so badly.
...but having him here makes it a little easier. she grips yin yu's hand tightly.
in the present moment, she reminds herself.]
My mother would have liked you. [she manages a small smile. it's brief, but it's there.] Very much. I am certain that she would have.
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but, lady flayn had been the one to show him how to leave memorials, weeks and weeks ago, and he'd done it unfailingly since, by her side. to see her replicate the same action in her memories is just a testament to the kind of person that she is.
his thumb sweeps briefly over the side of her hand. flayn needs to be able to go home, to see her father, to re-visit that monument, to go fishing. he will do everything in his power to make sure she makes it out of here as unscathed as he can so that can be achieved. home, family... such things are precious, when you still have them. ] Someday, I would like it if you would tell me about her, if you wouldn't mind.
[ who knows? maybe they can burn a little paper money for her, too. ]
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[she would like that. maybe not now. right now, it feels a little raw - but they're fresh on the heels of seeing the memory. they haven't really talked about any of hers (which isn't surprising; flayn doesn't like keeping secrets, but she's grown accustomed to not talking about her past, and it's much easier to ask others about theirs than to answer questions about her own).
she shivers - it's still cold out, and they haven't stepped inside. even now, she isn't sure she wants to. it's probably safer to split up, though; the longer they spend together, the higher the chances there are of more memories being shared against their will.
(at least it didn't interrupt the kiss, she catches herself thinking, and blushes faintly.)]
...I am sorry - for not telling you, before. About my father, that is. [...] I am... in the habit of not referring to him as such.
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[ yin yu really hates this memory thing. really, really hates it. he knows how it feels to be raw and vulnerable in ways that he has never been, now. too secretive. too ashamed. if anyone gets the idea of respecting privacy, it is yin yu, who would sooner vanish into the horizon before he told anyone a single thing about himself. even his name was hard to come by, for people at camp, for some time. so. he won't ask for details unless flayn wants to give them.
...even though, her true name still sits in the back of his mind, a carefully guarded secret. if she shares them with him, yin yu will do his best to make sure they're safe.
as he walks with her to the door, yin yu releases her hand. it's only for the moment to pull the robe back up a little tighter over her shoulders, so it covers more. he's standing close enough to block the wind, a little bit of body heat, and he does his best to cover any exposed skin, moving his hands to find the inner ties of the garment near the waist to pull it shut. it's entirely too big and does not come anywhere remotely near to being anything but a giant blanket in terms of shape, but, that's alright, too. tying a bow to the knot with careful fingers, he fusses, quietly. ] It would be best to head in quickly, and...you should drink something warm tonight, before you sleep. Tomorrow will be long, and I imagine no less cold than today.
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[there are a lot of things she hasn't talked about, a lot of memories that are just... out there, now, that she wanted to tell him. but mustering up the courage to talk about things she's long kept silent on is harder than it sounds, and in the end, people have seen many of them before she could manage it.
it seems like it isn't quite enough. I wanted to tell you... but they'll never really know if she would have or not, in the end.
her face falls a little as he lets go of her hand, but it quickly becomes obvious why that's necessary - he's adjusting the robe so that it keeps her just a little warmer. yin yu has always been thoughtful like that, and it brings a light flush to her cheeks.]
I... [want you to stay. but he says head in quickly, so maybe he would rather go. she can't ask.] ...tomorrow, will you help me with the flowers again?
[if he promises her that he will -
well, she knows that if he does get called to be the executioner, he'll do what he can to see it through. but if they have plans, if they've made a promise, then he has to survive.]
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he would be honored to participate in this kind thing that she has done, week after week. he participated when she couldn't, and... hopefully, it never has to come to that again. to know that it means so much to her makes it even more important.
his hands linger for a moment when he finishes, at her waist. as he starts to straighten a little further, he realizes quickly how close he is, and yin yu looks up to flayn's face from where he's ducked far down to fix her clothes, from underneath his lashes. there's hesitation, there, because -
because, he doesn't really want to leave her, either. but that's selfish of him, isn't it? she was doing things - flayn must have other errands to run this evening. at least he knows she'll do it and not be so cold.
either way, the hesitation means whatever he has to say dies on his tongue, and he's left just kind of looking at her for a moment, the color on his face not just from the cold. his heart does a backflip for the at least tenth time this evening. (at least some of them were because of lili, but he's got no excuse, now.) ]
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[she can rest a little easier tonight, knowing that he'll be helping her tomorrow. yin yu would never tell her he would help her and then... not do it.
whatever happens in the execution ring, if it is him there, she knows he won't lay down his life.
...is it selfish to ask him to stay when it's what they both want?
it might not be - but flayn, unfortunately, does not quite realize that he wants to stay. the way his hands linger at her waist and the look in his eyes have her cheeks flushing, though, and her breath catches.
...she isn't able to draw her gaze away from him.]
I... [she sounds reluctant when she speaks, but:] ...I suppose I shall see you tomorrow...?
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that reluctance. he knows that steph has been staying in his cabin, and ostensibly, will be there again tonight, especially after she went through today. 45 is a wildcard, but... ] If - if you don't want to be alone, after that, I...
[ the flush on his cheeks nearly doubles, blotching down his neck. they are standing outside, in the snow. it is freezing.
aaaaaaaaaaa that's probably as far as he can manage though ]
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but not needing his company isn't the same thing as not wanting it. and there is still the possibility that he might end up in the execution ring tomorrow. there's the horrible possibility that despite his best efforts, if he is chosen, it might get turned around on him.
if that doesn't happen - and she will be so relieved tomorrow when his name isn't called - then she's just worrying too much. but right now, in this moment, she can't be sure of that.
so, shouldn't she spend whatever time with him that she can?
her cheeks flush.]
...would it trouble you if I asked you to stay with me tonight?
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well then. he blinks at her kind of stupidly, hands still half hovering at the bow of the robe, the cold wind practically nonexistent because he's so distracted. ]
...of course not. [ yin yu answers, a little slowly--and then has to duck his head, either exhaling in relief or just deflating. this is bad for his adrenaline.
besides, there are few things flayn could ask for that would be troubling... and even then, yin yu would probably still do them. ] If... my company would help, then I'm happy to stay.
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speed tags cause i know you're on lunch
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