[there is little point in not acknowledging her lifespan. truthfully, there had been little point in denying it for the first few weeks. old habits might die hard, but she wants to be honest with yin yu.
as honest as it's possible for anyone to be, in a place like this.
even now, she still isn't sure just what had brought them together. of all the people in all the different worlds, why had they both ended up on that island? and now, here... why are they both awake and participating, and not asleep like the others? chance, perhaps. or fate.
she's glad for the time she's spending with him, but the thought of it ending is terrifying.
...but if it was possible for them to meet at all, maybe it will be possible for them to meet again.]
[ it's a quite heavy subject. that doubt lingers in the air between them for a moment, and he's thankful, maybe selfishly, that flayn in some ways has a life similar to his. he's already lost her once, when he was just starting to know her, just a bit, and the protective instinct he'd started to garner on the island had only grown, since. to know that their lifespans could intertwine -- that maybe, maybe, when they win this game, it wouldn't be over -- it's a scary thing to have hope for.
he doesn't say anything for a moment, but. as the movie plays on, yin yu reaches over and hesitates, just for a second - and then, finds her hand. their fingers brush, not quite a hold, right away, but the touch lights his emotions, a soft hesitance, a bit of embarrassment, that ever-present lack of confidence, but...
but there's hope, too. a tiny flickering candle in a dark chasm, surrounded by a faint warmth that he's come to associate with flayn, and only with flayn.
luckily, the movie is distracting enough. watching the female actress on the screen setting up for the family opera performance, flayn will see a smattering of familiar looking masks on the wall in the scenery. ] ...look, my lady.
[ familiar!! there's even one among them that looks quite a bit like yin yu's, if you squint hard enough. there are more than just the picture google gave me i'm just lazy. ]
[she isn't quite expecting him to reach for her hand first.
when he does, there's a brief shock of surprise - and then gratitude, followed by a warmth that is more than mere affection.
a moment later, as that small bit of hope washes over her, he'll begin to feel it reflected back at him. it's more obvious now that the faintest flickerings of it are there that it was missing, before - but yin yu has managed to bring it back.
she breathes a little easier when she's with him.]
Oh! The masks...
[she leans forward to get a closer look at the screen, interested.]
[ the feedback loop of emotion sharing returns, making him feel entirely too warm, all over. his own reflect hers, with a quiet hint of relief as he feels a little of her hope, too. is it stronger if they can both be hesitant about it, together? does it feel a little more possible that way? yin yu's not a hopeful enough person to tell, but... if he can support flayn's kindness, then, he's done something worth doing.
as she leans forward, yin yu stays back, his attention drifting from the screen to watch flayn, instead. watching the curiosity on her face, the way the lights from the screen light up her features. observing.
his hand stays loose, gentle, in hers. ] Not all of them. The different colors and expressions can symbolize emotions - if they show an opera in the film, you will see the actors change 'faces', so to speak, throughout the performance.
[ he sets his tea cup down, pointing at the screen as they pass a little display. ] There...and there, the silver one, and the gold. Those are usually for those of the heavenly realm or the ghostly one. Though, there is a saying - "masks for gods, make up for ghosts", because traditionally, you are not supposed to reenact the likeness of a god as a human on your own face, but for a ghost, it doesn't matter so much.
[they don't have traditions like this in fódlan. sure, they have makeup and costumes for performances (not that she's ever been; she's only heard tales from her classmates, and begged for information from a teacher who used to be a performer) - but the masks, and the traditions behind them...
well, it's new to her.]
What sort of makeup would one do for a ghost?
[with his hand in hers, he'll feel her curiosity. she wants to know more - about the world where he comes from, and...
...about him, too, though she isn't voicing that just yet.]
[ yin yu's mouth twitches; amusement flickers across their connected hands. ]
As ugly as possible, typically. It's usually not inaccurate.
[ usually, anyway. most ghosts are not exactly charming looking. there are exceptions. (see: hua cheng.) ] My own mask is a bit unusual because it's so plain. Anything with such bright colors would've stood out far too much, besides, and it's improper to have a black one.
[ he still sticks to his traditions, even in such a unique situation. ]
[ ha ha!! sure!!! the idea of him being anywhere near any of those terms is laughable!
but he doesn't laugh. there's a faint twist of that self deprecating emotion immediately, much more so than it's shown through before, but yin yu shoves it back down quite quickly, focusing on boxing up those negative feelings to be dealt with never.
instead, he just sips from his tea for a moment, giving a little nod of his head. if you say so. ] ...I'm fairly attached to mine, as it were. I've had it as long as I've worked for Chengzhu.
...well, if you prefer yours, then I suppose that is that.
[sentimental value is important, she gets it. but that sense of self deprecation hurts, and he'll pick up on a pang of sadness from her, followed by - as she thinks of the all the small things that he's done that have made her life better since they met - a sense of admiration and affection for yin yu himself.
he feels that, the rush of sadness first (and she'll feel guilt, immediately) and then... the warmth. affection. admiration.
he ducks his head, a little sheepish. his ears are pink. sometimes he doesn't know what to do with how kind flayn is to him. ] ...you're always too kind to me, my lady.
[ he says, quietly, instead, and though his own level of affection is as ever soft, it's still there. steady. calm as still water. he appreciates her words, even if he's bad at saying them. ]
I am not kind. I am simply being honest with my feelings.
[admittedly, it is a lot easier to be honest with them when you don't have to speak them aloud. there's less of a chance of a miscommunication, then - no misunderstandings because of word choice, none of that.
flayn doesn't particularly like sharing emotions with other people, but with yin yu...
...well, she's glad to be able to make sure he knows exactly how she feels.]
To say you aren't kind is a lie in and of itself, my lady. [ that gets a quiet laugh out of him, too, almost a little teasing. yin yu's attention drifts from the film to the girl beside him again, feeling the warmth of affection and... there's a little bit of guilt, too. ]
...I disappointed you, earlier. [ and says something that might be a bit surprising. he's always been observant; it happened over and over the other day, too. ] ...is everything alright?
[...well, speaking of that small twinge of disappointment -
he'll feel it, again, just as he says "my lady," right before he speaks up. her eyes widen slightly. she knew, of course, that he was observant, and it probably would have been impossible for him not to notice, but - maybe some part of her had hoped she'd managed to hide it.
it's not really her fault, and he'll feel the faint pricklings of her own guilt for making him worry.]
It is not that you disappointed me, exactly. I, um... [honest. be honest.] ...it feels a little... distant, sometimes, when you use a title for me, and not my name.
[a beat.]
I - I know that it is how you talk, though, and that you do not mean anything by it... it is not your fault.
...Oh. [ he says, quietly, a little surprised by it. yin yu hadn't even thought of that; it's automatic, a habit. there are only two people in this entire camp who don't get titles from him of some kind, and both were because they were so verbally insistent on it that he stopped. this old dog can certainly be taught new tricks.
but at the same time... he's always known his manners as much as he's always known his position in life - at least after the heavens. he is a retainer, a servant, and his titles come with the respect built into his blood. that he calls people by them does put them at a distance, because yin yu's always kept his distance from just about everyone, dutifully falling into his filial place as a nobody. you are better than me, it says. i respect who you are and the things that you do. you are above me.
he looks down at their lightly joined hands. ] ...still, I... I didn't mean to do so. It is habit. [ ... yin yu's ears turn a little pink. ] ...but I can do my best to try, l -
[her voice comes out quietly, and she's trying to reassure him - her own feelings aside, he doesn't have to change if sticking to his habit makes him more comfortable. she can deal with it.
the effect is immediate. her heart skips a beat, her cheeks flush, and he'll feel the rush of something much more than affection as she shifts over to hug him tightly. she can't help herself. she'd thought it would be nice, to hear him call out to her without the title, but--
--ah. [ oh gods he's so embarrassed. flayn hugs him like that and his entire face goes red pretty much instantly, hands hovering awkwardly while the horror movie plays on in the background.
give yin yu a second to get his bearings and get used to being smacked with emotions and also a cute girl suddenly basically attached to him. there's a lot going on right now, and flayn's affection might take him out.
...he's only stiff because he's an awkward, embarrassed, repressed nerd, though, so. after a little bit, he exhales, a breathless sort of flustered laugh, and shifts to return the embrace, letting his arms fall around her to support her where she's holding on.
his own emotions are a lot of that flustered, embarrassed feeling, but - they're warm with that shy happiness of his own, too. ]
[the horror movie is, unfortunately, forgotten in favor of embracing yin yu. if they want to keep up with the plot, they'll have to rewind once they're done with their het nonsense, provided natalie taught him how to rewind movies and not just how to start them.
but that's a problem for later's yin yu and flayn.
right now, she's overjoyed. and she's not shy about letting him feel that - she makes no effort to tamp down on any of her emotions.
i will endeavor to do so, he'd said -
and just like that, he's done it effortlessly. just by being himself, and being willing to try to call her by her name.]
[ it is so unbelievably warm. flayn's joy and contentment is practically radiating, seeping into every dark part of him and bringing it to the light. he's utterly forgotten about the movie, too. (how could he remember anything but flayn right now, so warm and so kind and so present?)
he's not used to feeling so much joy. his own emotions are creaky and broken, covered in dirt from the way that he's buried them, and he's feeling weirdly buzzy after saying that out loud. like some sort of adrenaline rush mixed with embarrassment and then flayn's joy.
it's. it's a lot. he's just going to hold her for a minute, making an affirmative 'mmhm' noise in response, and hiding his face in her hair.
(it's kind of nice, to sit like this. not that he will admit it to himself. or to her. but it's kind of nice. that's something to process later.) ]
[he can have a minute. he can have as many minutes as he wants, as long as he keeps his arms around her, honestly. flayn is perfectly content to stay exactly where she is, her feelings warm and obvious.
(yin yu will never know a moment's peace, as long as this keeps up. maybe that's the real reason he's going to die - to escape it.)
anyway, him calling her by her name has her so happy that she has no intention of moving away at all. he's stuck with her.]
[ ohhhh he is going to perish from flayn being this close to him, actually, not from being beheaded
gods. okay. his composure is completely shattered, but he also isn't running or trying to escape, considering. flayn is a comfortable, warm weight against him like this, though he cannot imagine that leaning over him is that comfortable for her, but... if she wants to stay tucked into his side like this he's not going to stop her, anyway. maybe this is really peace, even if it's embarrassing.
his feelings come through too, nearly overpowered by hers. he's not unhappy. he's not uncomfortable. really, yin yu just seems more baffled that something so small would cause such a huge reaction and also extremely embarrassed. (but happy, too. it's probably fairly obvious that he doesn't want to let go, either.)
yin yu's cheek drops against the top of her head again while he composes himself, looking at the screen for the distraction. he's completely lost track of any sort of plot, so it make even less sense than it already did, even with the female lead looking terrified and running around.
...oh well. there are better things to focus on. ] ...your tea must be getting cold, my -- ... mn. [ its a mumble, what feels like the right thing to say.
.......... she doesnt have to get up. ] ...Flayn. [ TWICE. ]
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fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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[there is little point in not acknowledging her lifespan. truthfully, there had been little point in denying it for the first few weeks. old habits might die hard, but she wants to be honest with yin yu.
as honest as it's possible for anyone to be, in a place like this.
even now, she still isn't sure just what had brought them together. of all the people in all the different worlds, why had they both ended up on that island? and now, here... why are they both awake and participating, and not asleep like the others? chance, perhaps. or fate.
she's glad for the time she's spending with him, but the thought of it ending is terrifying.
...but if it was possible for them to meet at all, maybe it will be possible for them to meet again.]
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he doesn't say anything for a moment, but. as the movie plays on, yin yu reaches over and hesitates, just for a second - and then, finds her hand. their fingers brush, not quite a hold, right away, but the touch lights his emotions, a soft hesitance, a bit of embarrassment, that ever-present lack of confidence, but...
but there's hope, too. a tiny flickering candle in a dark chasm, surrounded by a faint warmth that he's come to associate with flayn, and only with flayn.
luckily, the movie is distracting enough. watching the female actress on the screen setting up for the family opera performance, flayn will see a smattering of familiar looking masks on the wall in the scenery. ] ...look, my lady.
[ familiar!! there's even one among them that looks quite a bit like yin yu's, if you squint hard enough. there are more than just the picture google gave me i'm just lazy. ]
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when he does, there's a brief shock of surprise - and then gratitude, followed by a warmth that is more than mere affection.
a moment later, as that small bit of hope washes over her, he'll begin to feel it reflected back at him. it's more obvious now that the faintest flickerings of it are there that it was missing, before - but yin yu has managed to bring it back.
she breathes a little easier when she's with him.]
Oh! The masks...
[she leans forward to get a closer look at the screen, interested.]
Are they all ghost masks, like yours?
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as she leans forward, yin yu stays back, his attention drifting from the screen to watch flayn, instead. watching the curiosity on her face, the way the lights from the screen light up her features. observing.
his hand stays loose, gentle, in hers. ] Not all of them. The different colors and expressions can symbolize emotions - if they show an opera in the film, you will see the actors change 'faces', so to speak, throughout the performance.
[ he sets his tea cup down, pointing at the screen as they pass a little display. ] There...and there, the silver one, and the gold. Those are usually for those of the heavenly realm or the ghostly one. Though, there is a saying - "masks for gods, make up for ghosts", because traditionally, you are not supposed to reenact the likeness of a god as a human on your own face, but for a ghost, it doesn't matter so much.
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[they don't have traditions like this in fódlan. sure, they have makeup and costumes for performances (not that she's ever been; she's only heard tales from her classmates, and begged for information from a teacher who used to be a performer) - but the masks, and the traditions behind them...
well, it's new to her.]
What sort of makeup would one do for a ghost?
[with his hand in hers, he'll feel her curiosity. she wants to know more - about the world where he comes from, and...
...about him, too, though she isn't voicing that just yet.]
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As ugly as possible, typically. It's usually not inaccurate.
[ usually, anyway. most ghosts are not exactly charming looking. there are exceptions. (see: hua cheng.) ] My own mask is a bit unusual because it's so plain. Anything with such bright colors would've stood out far too much, besides, and it's improper to have a black one.
[ he still sticks to his traditions, even in such a unique situation. ]
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[...she has so many questions! yin yu will never know a moment's peace as long as he's with her.
(maybe that's why he let himself die. to get some peace.)]
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[ yin yu is NONE of those things. he scratches his cheek, glancing back at the screen.
if peace is not having flayn around, then, he doesn't really want it. so. (how strange that is.) ]
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[well, maybe he's not bold or headstrong, but flayn will never agree that he's not honorable.
she just. stares at him. he can probably feel her disbelief.]
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....what?
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[so! there!]
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but he doesn't laugh. there's a faint twist of that self deprecating emotion immediately, much more so than it's shown through before, but yin yu shoves it back down quite quickly, focusing on boxing up those negative feelings to be dealt with never.
instead, he just sips from his tea for a moment, giving a little nod of his head. if you say so. ] ...I'm fairly attached to mine, as it were. I've had it as long as I've worked for Chengzhu.
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[sentimental value is important, she gets it. but that sense of self deprecation hurts, and he'll pick up on a pang of sadness from her, followed by - as she thinks of the all the small things that he's done that have made her life better since they met - a sense of admiration and affection for yin yu himself.
so there.]
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he feels that, the rush of sadness first (and she'll feel guilt, immediately) and then... the warmth. affection. admiration.
he ducks his head, a little sheepish. his ears are pink. sometimes he doesn't know what to do with how kind flayn is to him. ] ...you're always too kind to me, my lady.
[ he says, quietly, instead, and though his own level of affection is as ever soft, it's still there. steady. calm as still water. he appreciates her words, even if he's bad at saying them. ]
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[admittedly, it is a lot easier to be honest with them when you don't have to speak them aloud. there's less of a chance of a miscommunication, then - no misunderstandings because of word choice, none of that.
flayn doesn't particularly like sharing emotions with other people, but with yin yu...
...well, she's glad to be able to make sure he knows exactly how she feels.]
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...I disappointed you, earlier. [ and says something that might be a bit surprising. he's always been observant; it happened over and over the other day, too. ] ...is everything alright?
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he'll feel it, again, just as he says "my lady," right before he speaks up. her eyes widen slightly. she knew, of course, that he was observant, and it probably would have been impossible for him not to notice, but - maybe some part of her had hoped she'd managed to hide it.
it's not really her fault, and he'll feel the faint pricklings of her own guilt for making him worry.]
It is not that you disappointed me, exactly. I, um... [honest. be honest.] ...it feels a little... distant, sometimes, when you use a title for me, and not my name.
[a beat.]
I - I know that it is how you talk, though, and that you do not mean anything by it... it is not your fault.
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...Oh. [ he says, quietly, a little surprised by it. yin yu hadn't even thought of that; it's automatic, a habit. there are only two people in this entire camp who don't get titles from him of some kind, and both were because they were so verbally insistent on it that he stopped. this old dog can certainly be taught new tricks.
but at the same time... he's always known his manners as much as he's always known his position in life - at least after the heavens. he is a retainer, a servant, and his titles come with the respect built into his blood. that he calls people by them does put them at a distance, because yin yu's always kept his distance from just about everyone, dutifully falling into his filial place as a nobody. you are better than me, it says. i respect who you are and the things that you do. you are above me.
he looks down at their lightly joined hands. ] ...still, I... I didn't mean to do so. It is habit. [ ... yin yu's ears turn a little pink. ] ...but I can do my best to try, l -
[ ...............this pause is a little long but.
..... ] Flayn.
[ HE DID IT! ]
1/2
[her voice comes out quietly, and she's trying to reassure him - her own feelings aside, he doesn't have to change if sticking to his habit makes him more comfortable. she can deal with it.
but. but.]
2/2
the effect is immediate. her heart skips a beat, her cheeks flush, and he'll feel the rush of something much more than affection as she shifts over to hug him tightly. she can't help herself. she'd thought it would be nice, to hear him call out to her without the title, but--
it's nicer than she'd imagined.]
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give yin yu a second to get his bearings and get used to being smacked with emotions and also a cute girl suddenly basically attached to him. there's a lot going on right now, and flayn's affection might take him out.
...he's only stiff because he's an awkward, embarrassed, repressed nerd, though, so. after a little bit, he exhales, a breathless sort of flustered laugh, and shifts to return the embrace, letting his arms fall around her to support her where she's holding on.
his own emotions are a lot of that flustered, embarrassed feeling, but - they're warm with that shy happiness of his own, too. ]
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but that's a problem for later's yin yu and flayn.
right now, she's overjoyed. and she's not shy about letting him feel that - she makes no effort to tamp down on any of her emotions.
i will endeavor to do so, he'd said -
and just like that, he's done it effortlessly. just by being himself, and being willing to try to call her by her name.]
Thank you, Yin Yu.
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he's not used to feeling so much joy. his own emotions are creaky and broken, covered in dirt from the way that he's buried them, and he's feeling weirdly buzzy after saying that out loud. like some sort of adrenaline rush mixed with embarrassment and then flayn's joy.
it's. it's a lot. he's just going to hold her for a minute, making an affirmative 'mmhm' noise in response, and hiding his face in her hair.
(it's kind of nice, to sit like this. not that he will admit it to himself. or to her. but it's kind of nice. that's something to process later.) ]
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(yin yu will never know a moment's peace, as long as this keeps up. maybe that's the real reason he's going to die - to escape it.)
anyway, him calling her by her name has her so happy that she has no intention of moving away at all. he's stuck with her.]
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gods. okay. his composure is completely shattered, but he also isn't running or trying to escape, considering. flayn is a comfortable, warm weight against him like this, though he cannot imagine that leaning over him is that comfortable for her, but... if she wants to stay tucked into his side like this he's not going to stop her, anyway. maybe this is really peace, even if it's embarrassing.
his feelings come through too, nearly overpowered by hers. he's not unhappy. he's not uncomfortable. really, yin yu just seems more baffled that something so small would cause such a huge reaction and also extremely embarrassed. (but happy, too. it's probably fairly obvious that he doesn't want to let go, either.)
yin yu's cheek drops against the top of her head again while he composes himself, looking at the screen for the distraction. he's completely lost track of any sort of plot, so it make even less sense than it already did, even with the female lead looking terrified and running around.
...oh well. there are better things to focus on. ] ...your tea must be getting cold, my -- ... mn. [ its a mumble, what feels like the right thing to say.
.......... she doesnt have to get up. ] ...Flayn. [ TWICE. ]
(no subject)
tagging this to cope with my suffering
WAILS
this is my emotional support thread
GOD
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