...well, if you prefer yours, then I suppose that is that.
[sentimental value is important, she gets it. but that sense of self deprecation hurts, and he'll pick up on a pang of sadness from her, followed by - as she thinks of the all the small things that he's done that have made her life better since they met - a sense of admiration and affection for yin yu himself.
he feels that, the rush of sadness first (and she'll feel guilt, immediately) and then... the warmth. affection. admiration.
he ducks his head, a little sheepish. his ears are pink. sometimes he doesn't know what to do with how kind flayn is to him. ] ...you're always too kind to me, my lady.
[ he says, quietly, instead, and though his own level of affection is as ever soft, it's still there. steady. calm as still water. he appreciates her words, even if he's bad at saying them. ]
I am not kind. I am simply being honest with my feelings.
[admittedly, it is a lot easier to be honest with them when you don't have to speak them aloud. there's less of a chance of a miscommunication, then - no misunderstandings because of word choice, none of that.
flayn doesn't particularly like sharing emotions with other people, but with yin yu...
...well, she's glad to be able to make sure he knows exactly how she feels.]
To say you aren't kind is a lie in and of itself, my lady. [ that gets a quiet laugh out of him, too, almost a little teasing. yin yu's attention drifts from the film to the girl beside him again, feeling the warmth of affection and... there's a little bit of guilt, too. ]
...I disappointed you, earlier. [ and says something that might be a bit surprising. he's always been observant; it happened over and over the other day, too. ] ...is everything alright?
[...well, speaking of that small twinge of disappointment -
he'll feel it, again, just as he says "my lady," right before he speaks up. her eyes widen slightly. she knew, of course, that he was observant, and it probably would have been impossible for him not to notice, but - maybe some part of her had hoped she'd managed to hide it.
it's not really her fault, and he'll feel the faint pricklings of her own guilt for making him worry.]
It is not that you disappointed me, exactly. I, um... [honest. be honest.] ...it feels a little... distant, sometimes, when you use a title for me, and not my name.
[a beat.]
I - I know that it is how you talk, though, and that you do not mean anything by it... it is not your fault.
...Oh. [ he says, quietly, a little surprised by it. yin yu hadn't even thought of that; it's automatic, a habit. there are only two people in this entire camp who don't get titles from him of some kind, and both were because they were so verbally insistent on it that he stopped. this old dog can certainly be taught new tricks.
but at the same time... he's always known his manners as much as he's always known his position in life - at least after the heavens. he is a retainer, a servant, and his titles come with the respect built into his blood. that he calls people by them does put them at a distance, because yin yu's always kept his distance from just about everyone, dutifully falling into his filial place as a nobody. you are better than me, it says. i respect who you are and the things that you do. you are above me.
he looks down at their lightly joined hands. ] ...still, I... I didn't mean to do so. It is habit. [ ... yin yu's ears turn a little pink. ] ...but I can do my best to try, l -
[her voice comes out quietly, and she's trying to reassure him - her own feelings aside, he doesn't have to change if sticking to his habit makes him more comfortable. she can deal with it.
the effect is immediate. her heart skips a beat, her cheeks flush, and he'll feel the rush of something much more than affection as she shifts over to hug him tightly. she can't help herself. she'd thought it would be nice, to hear him call out to her without the title, but--
--ah. [ oh gods he's so embarrassed. flayn hugs him like that and his entire face goes red pretty much instantly, hands hovering awkwardly while the horror movie plays on in the background.
give yin yu a second to get his bearings and get used to being smacked with emotions and also a cute girl suddenly basically attached to him. there's a lot going on right now, and flayn's affection might take him out.
...he's only stiff because he's an awkward, embarrassed, repressed nerd, though, so. after a little bit, he exhales, a breathless sort of flustered laugh, and shifts to return the embrace, letting his arms fall around her to support her where she's holding on.
his own emotions are a lot of that flustered, embarrassed feeling, but - they're warm with that shy happiness of his own, too. ]
[the horror movie is, unfortunately, forgotten in favor of embracing yin yu. if they want to keep up with the plot, they'll have to rewind once they're done with their het nonsense, provided natalie taught him how to rewind movies and not just how to start them.
but that's a problem for later's yin yu and flayn.
right now, she's overjoyed. and she's not shy about letting him feel that - she makes no effort to tamp down on any of her emotions.
i will endeavor to do so, he'd said -
and just like that, he's done it effortlessly. just by being himself, and being willing to try to call her by her name.]
[ it is so unbelievably warm. flayn's joy and contentment is practically radiating, seeping into every dark part of him and bringing it to the light. he's utterly forgotten about the movie, too. (how could he remember anything but flayn right now, so warm and so kind and so present?)
he's not used to feeling so much joy. his own emotions are creaky and broken, covered in dirt from the way that he's buried them, and he's feeling weirdly buzzy after saying that out loud. like some sort of adrenaline rush mixed with embarrassment and then flayn's joy.
it's. it's a lot. he's just going to hold her for a minute, making an affirmative 'mmhm' noise in response, and hiding his face in her hair.
(it's kind of nice, to sit like this. not that he will admit it to himself. or to her. but it's kind of nice. that's something to process later.) ]
[he can have a minute. he can have as many minutes as he wants, as long as he keeps his arms around her, honestly. flayn is perfectly content to stay exactly where she is, her feelings warm and obvious.
(yin yu will never know a moment's peace, as long as this keeps up. maybe that's the real reason he's going to die - to escape it.)
anyway, him calling her by her name has her so happy that she has no intention of moving away at all. he's stuck with her.]
[ ohhhh he is going to perish from flayn being this close to him, actually, not from being beheaded
gods. okay. his composure is completely shattered, but he also isn't running or trying to escape, considering. flayn is a comfortable, warm weight against him like this, though he cannot imagine that leaning over him is that comfortable for her, but... if she wants to stay tucked into his side like this he's not going to stop her, anyway. maybe this is really peace, even if it's embarrassing.
his feelings come through too, nearly overpowered by hers. he's not unhappy. he's not uncomfortable. really, yin yu just seems more baffled that something so small would cause such a huge reaction and also extremely embarrassed. (but happy, too. it's probably fairly obvious that he doesn't want to let go, either.)
yin yu's cheek drops against the top of her head again while he composes himself, looking at the screen for the distraction. he's completely lost track of any sort of plot, so it make even less sense than it already did, even with the female lead looking terrified and running around.
...oh well. there are better things to focus on. ] ...your tea must be getting cold, my -- ... mn. [ its a mumble, what feels like the right thing to say.
.......... she doesnt have to get up. ] ...Flayn. [ TWICE. ]
[oh. he'll feel that fluttering of happiness again, at the sound of his name, mingling with the feeling of warmth and contentment as she rests there in his arms. as interested as she was in the movie, she's more interested in his embrace right about now.
flayn knows what she's about. still -]
...if it is uncomfortable, you do not have to keep doing it...
[...but she does love hearing it. it makes her feel closer to him than she already is, and if there's anything she wants, it's to be close to him.]
The only we learn to become comfortable with anything at all is with practice, my lady-- ah.
...Or, good at it at all, either. [ yin yu says, and it's almost, a tiny bit chiding, like he's teasing? he's chiding himself for it, though. it's true. and - it's not a silly request, for flayn to ask. if they're. if this is a thing they're doing, then it's something they could maybe do, as something closer to equals.
(that feels laughable. really laughable. but if it will make flayn happy, by god, he will try.)
his head tips a bit to look down at her in his arms. on the contrary, he feels a little - he's almost amazed. like he can't believe this is happening. that he was able to make flayn feel that little spark, that that came from him, it was directly related to such a tiny little gesture. yin yu did that. it's. shocking, a little, but in a good way.
there are a lot of things about this he'll have to practice to become comfortable with huh. hm. that's a little embarrassing. ]
[there's no flicker of disappointment, this time - she knows it's a habit, and he's demonstrated a willingness to try. that alone shows that she means something to him.
(his feelings do that, too.)]
It is... truly, it is fine. [her cheeks flush and she looks anywhere but at his face.] The truth is, I was a little... um...
[...she should be honest with him.]
Jealous. When I heard you call other people by their names, but not me.
[it's embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth.]
But that is something for me to get over, so...! You do not have to change a thing you are doing, if you do not want to.
Edited (wow i dont know html) 2020-07-13 02:17 (UTC)
[ that completely and utterly throws him for a loop. his head pulls back to look at her properly, and he blinks, wide eyed. his emotions reflect the same, just that he's stunned. ]
...You were jealous? For me?
[ LITERALLY THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE???????? ??? ??? ]
[ he just. blinks at her, kind of stupidly, once, twice, three times.
and then he laughs. it's not at her at all, but it's a bright, honest burst of amusement, startled completely out of him. ] Pfft--
[ oh no he shouldn't laugh but it's. it's really funny. he has to muffle his laughter into something quieter than the first one, turning his face against the top of her head to smother it. ]
[ he is smiling. it's a little hidden, and his arms squeeze a bit tighter, because he's not sure if he wants her to see his face (or maybe he just doesn't want her to run away, what a strange change). either way, he silences his laughter after a few seconds, but his shoulders are still shaking. ]
I... I'm sorry, haha, Flayn--I just, she nearly refused to talk to me until I dropped the title. [ he was BULLIED. with LOVE and FRIENDSHIP. in the typical persona protagonist way.
how silly. his emotions are mirthful, pleased. so, so very warm. ] It was always you. [ isn't that obvious? ]
[should she have refused to talk to him, then? ...no, no, that would never have worked. she likes talking to him too much for that; she would have caved and responded to him even when he called her lady.]
I... [she's an idiot. with a small, embarrassed noise, she -
well, she doesn't run away. instead, she buries her face in his chest. she might be hiding, a little, but she's hiding by getting even closer to him.] I am very glad to hear that.
[ he shakes his head a little to dispel the last of the laughter. really, that is so very silly... it's so wildly beyond fathoming for so many reasons. it's a little sobering, actually, as flayn tucks into his chest like that. maybe she can feel it without the emotion share--his heart's going pretty fast in his chest.
it's not in a bad way, though. the more bright, warm emotions fade to their usual level of quiet, and for a moment, yin yu looks away, at the screen in front of them, because he's letting her hide, but also because he's not sure if he can take it otherwise. yin yu's voice is more serious, too, but soft, too. weighted with a kind of tentative tenderness. ] ...I've never really had any sorts of these interests at all, before.
[ before you, goes unspoken. can flayn not see how absolutely extraordinary she is? how could there be anyone else?] ...And certainly, no one has ever been jealous of anything on my behalf, either.
[ well.
except for jian yu. but that's depressing so we're not bringing that up rn. ]
yin yu may not be a perfect person - but nobody is. everyone makes mistakes, and in a life as long as the one he's lived, some of those mistakes are certainly bound to be costly. that's the way of life.
but flayn had never been one to judge someone for that sort of thing. as her mother always said, you must live your life fully, in the present moment. what someone has done in the past or what they might do in the future are less important than what they are doing now, and she adores the person that yin yu is.
his quiet, gentle kindness - his determination to work hard and do the right thing - the way he is always, always there when she needs him...
he's extraordinary. and tucked up against him, her face hiding in the fabric of his robes, he'll be able to feel her disbelief that there are not other people out there who can see how special he is.]
...be that as it may, it... it is the truth. [...] I tried very hard not to let it bother me...
[if he'd wanted to be with minako, she would have tried to support that. she'd have hated every moment of it! but she would have tried.]
[ his heart feels a little like it's going to explode. what an odd feeling. it's not a bad one, though, too warm and too much, all at once. some of the emotion leaks through, that steadfast, gentle fondness that has been present most of the night now nearly doubled.
he finally looks down. marvels, quietly, at the fact that he did something to deserve whatever's happening between them. a part of yin yu is sure she'll wise up eventually, and an even smaller part is terrified that she'll find out about what he did on the island and run from him, but - she saw what happened to yizhen.
and she stayed.
his thumb strokes gently against her where his hands are settled, the touch small, mostly unconscious. just because it's there. ] ...I am sorry that I led you to believe such a thing. [ it's so wildly out of the realm of possibility. ] But, if it helps, I didn't notice at all.
[ obviously. after a moment, yin yu admits, a little more sheepish on his own end: ] ...To be quite honest, I half expect to awaken from all of this as if from a fever dream any minute now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 12:53 pm
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[sentimental value is important, she gets it. but that sense of self deprecation hurts, and he'll pick up on a pang of sadness from her, followed by - as she thinks of the all the small things that he's done that have made her life better since they met - a sense of admiration and affection for yin yu himself.
so there.]
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he feels that, the rush of sadness first (and she'll feel guilt, immediately) and then... the warmth. affection. admiration.
he ducks his head, a little sheepish. his ears are pink. sometimes he doesn't know what to do with how kind flayn is to him. ] ...you're always too kind to me, my lady.
[ he says, quietly, instead, and though his own level of affection is as ever soft, it's still there. steady. calm as still water. he appreciates her words, even if he's bad at saying them. ]
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[admittedly, it is a lot easier to be honest with them when you don't have to speak them aloud. there's less of a chance of a miscommunication, then - no misunderstandings because of word choice, none of that.
flayn doesn't particularly like sharing emotions with other people, but with yin yu...
...well, she's glad to be able to make sure he knows exactly how she feels.]
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...I disappointed you, earlier. [ and says something that might be a bit surprising. he's always been observant; it happened over and over the other day, too. ] ...is everything alright?
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he'll feel it, again, just as he says "my lady," right before he speaks up. her eyes widen slightly. she knew, of course, that he was observant, and it probably would have been impossible for him not to notice, but - maybe some part of her had hoped she'd managed to hide it.
it's not really her fault, and he'll feel the faint pricklings of her own guilt for making him worry.]
It is not that you disappointed me, exactly. I, um... [honest. be honest.] ...it feels a little... distant, sometimes, when you use a title for me, and not my name.
[a beat.]
I - I know that it is how you talk, though, and that you do not mean anything by it... it is not your fault.
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...Oh. [ he says, quietly, a little surprised by it. yin yu hadn't even thought of that; it's automatic, a habit. there are only two people in this entire camp who don't get titles from him of some kind, and both were because they were so verbally insistent on it that he stopped. this old dog can certainly be taught new tricks.
but at the same time... he's always known his manners as much as he's always known his position in life - at least after the heavens. he is a retainer, a servant, and his titles come with the respect built into his blood. that he calls people by them does put them at a distance, because yin yu's always kept his distance from just about everyone, dutifully falling into his filial place as a nobody. you are better than me, it says. i respect who you are and the things that you do. you are above me.
he looks down at their lightly joined hands. ] ...still, I... I didn't mean to do so. It is habit. [ ... yin yu's ears turn a little pink. ] ...but I can do my best to try, l -
[ ...............this pause is a little long but.
..... ] Flayn.
[ HE DID IT! ]
1/2
[her voice comes out quietly, and she's trying to reassure him - her own feelings aside, he doesn't have to change if sticking to his habit makes him more comfortable. she can deal with it.
but. but.]
2/2
the effect is immediate. her heart skips a beat, her cheeks flush, and he'll feel the rush of something much more than affection as she shifts over to hug him tightly. she can't help herself. she'd thought it would be nice, to hear him call out to her without the title, but--
it's nicer than she'd imagined.]
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give yin yu a second to get his bearings and get used to being smacked with emotions and also a cute girl suddenly basically attached to him. there's a lot going on right now, and flayn's affection might take him out.
...he's only stiff because he's an awkward, embarrassed, repressed nerd, though, so. after a little bit, he exhales, a breathless sort of flustered laugh, and shifts to return the embrace, letting his arms fall around her to support her where she's holding on.
his own emotions are a lot of that flustered, embarrassed feeling, but - they're warm with that shy happiness of his own, too. ]
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but that's a problem for later's yin yu and flayn.
right now, she's overjoyed. and she's not shy about letting him feel that - she makes no effort to tamp down on any of her emotions.
i will endeavor to do so, he'd said -
and just like that, he's done it effortlessly. just by being himself, and being willing to try to call her by her name.]
Thank you, Yin Yu.
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he's not used to feeling so much joy. his own emotions are creaky and broken, covered in dirt from the way that he's buried them, and he's feeling weirdly buzzy after saying that out loud. like some sort of adrenaline rush mixed with embarrassment and then flayn's joy.
it's. it's a lot. he's just going to hold her for a minute, making an affirmative 'mmhm' noise in response, and hiding his face in her hair.
(it's kind of nice, to sit like this. not that he will admit it to himself. or to her. but it's kind of nice. that's something to process later.) ]
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(yin yu will never know a moment's peace, as long as this keeps up. maybe that's the real reason he's going to die - to escape it.)
anyway, him calling her by her name has her so happy that she has no intention of moving away at all. he's stuck with her.]
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gods. okay. his composure is completely shattered, but he also isn't running or trying to escape, considering. flayn is a comfortable, warm weight against him like this, though he cannot imagine that leaning over him is that comfortable for her, but... if she wants to stay tucked into his side like this he's not going to stop her, anyway. maybe this is really peace, even if it's embarrassing.
his feelings come through too, nearly overpowered by hers. he's not unhappy. he's not uncomfortable. really, yin yu just seems more baffled that something so small would cause such a huge reaction and also extremely embarrassed. (but happy, too. it's probably fairly obvious that he doesn't want to let go, either.)
yin yu's cheek drops against the top of her head again while he composes himself, looking at the screen for the distraction. he's completely lost track of any sort of plot, so it make even less sense than it already did, even with the female lead looking terrified and running around.
...oh well. there are better things to focus on. ] ...your tea must be getting cold, my -- ... mn. [ its a mumble, what feels like the right thing to say.
.......... she doesnt have to get up. ] ...Flayn. [ TWICE. ]
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flayn knows what she's about. still -]
...if it is uncomfortable, you do not have to keep doing it...
[...but she does love hearing it. it makes her feel closer to him than she already is, and if there's anything she wants, it's to be close to him.]
tagging this to cope with my suffering
...Or, good at it at all, either. [ yin yu says, and it's almost, a tiny bit chiding, like he's teasing? he's chiding himself for it, though. it's true. and - it's not a silly request, for flayn to ask. if they're. if this is a thing they're doing, then it's something they could maybe do, as something closer to equals.
(that feels laughable. really laughable. but if it will make flayn happy, by god, he will try.)
his head tips a bit to look down at her in his arms. on the contrary, he feels a little - he's almost amazed. like he can't believe this is happening. that he was able to make flayn feel that little spark, that that came from him, it was directly related to such a tiny little gesture. yin yu did that. it's. shocking, a little, but in a good way.
there are a lot of things about this he'll have to practice to become comfortable with huh. hm. that's a little embarrassing. ]
WAILS
[there's no flicker of disappointment, this time - she knows it's a habit, and he's demonstrated a willingness to try. that alone shows that she means something to him.
(his feelings do that, too.)]
It is... truly, it is fine. [her cheeks flush and she looks anywhere but at his face.] The truth is, I was a little... um...
[...she should be honest with him.]
Jealous. When I heard you call other people by their names, but not me.
[it's embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth.]
But that is something for me to get over, so...! You do not have to change a thing you are doing, if you do not want to.
this is my emotional support thread
...You were jealous? For me?
[ LITERALLY THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE???????? ??? ??? ]
GOD
...for a long while I thought you were interested in Minako...!
[
she's an embarrassment.]
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and then he laughs. it's not at her at all, but it's a bright, honest burst of amusement, startled completely out of him. ] Pfft--
[ oh no he shouldn't laugh but it's. it's really funny. he has to muffle his laughter into something quieter than the first one, turning his face against the top of her head to smother it. ]
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and a delighted little thrill that she made him laugh. he might even be smiling. imagine that.]
...I-I do not see what is so funny about that...!
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I... I'm sorry, haha, Flayn--I just, she nearly refused to talk to me until I dropped the title. [ he was BULLIED. with LOVE and FRIENDSHIP. in the typical persona protagonist way.
how silly. his emotions are mirthful, pleased. so, so very warm. ] It was always you. [ isn't that obvious? ]
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[should she have refused to talk to him, then? ...no, no, that would never have worked. she likes talking to him too much for that; she would have caved and responded to him even when he called her lady.]
I... [she's an idiot. with a small, embarrassed noise, she -
well, she doesn't run away. instead, she buries her face in his chest. she might be hiding, a little, but she's hiding by getting even closer to him.] I am very glad to hear that.
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it's not in a bad way, though. the more bright, warm emotions fade to their usual level of quiet, and for a moment, yin yu looks away, at the screen in front of them, because he's letting her hide, but also because he's not sure if he can take it otherwise. yin yu's voice is more serious, too, but soft, too. weighted with a kind of tentative tenderness. ] ...I've never really had any sorts of these interests at all, before.
[ before you, goes unspoken. can flayn not see how absolutely extraordinary she is? how could there be anyone else?] ...And certainly, no one has ever been jealous of anything on my behalf, either.
[ well.
except for jian yu. but that's depressing so we're not bringing that up rn. ]
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yin yu may not be a perfect person - but nobody is. everyone makes mistakes, and in a life as long as the one he's lived, some of those mistakes are certainly bound to be costly. that's the way of life.
but flayn had never been one to judge someone for that sort of thing. as her mother always said, you must live your life fully, in the present moment. what someone has done in the past or what they might do in the future are less important than what they are doing now, and she adores the person that yin yu is.
his quiet, gentle kindness - his determination to work hard and do the right thing - the way he is always, always there when she needs him...
he's extraordinary. and tucked up against him, her face hiding in the fabric of his robes, he'll be able to feel her disbelief that there are not other people out there who can see how special he is.]
...be that as it may, it... it is the truth. [...] I tried very hard not to let it bother me...
[if he'd wanted to be with minako, she would have tried to support that. she'd have hated every moment of it! but she would have tried.]
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he finally looks down. marvels, quietly, at the fact that he did something to deserve whatever's happening between them. a part of yin yu is sure she'll wise up eventually, and an even smaller part is terrified that she'll find out about what he did on the island and run from him, but - she saw what happened to yizhen.
and she stayed.
his thumb strokes gently against her where his hands are settled, the touch small, mostly unconscious. just because it's there. ] ...I am sorry that I led you to believe such a thing. [ it's so wildly out of the realm of possibility. ] But, if it helps, I didn't notice at all.
[ obviously. after a moment, yin yu admits, a little more sheepish on his own end: ] ...To be quite honest, I half expect to awaken from all of this as if from a fever dream any minute now.
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