fishingforcompliments | [not again] catchall for ogata

[...well, in that case.]

Is that so? Then I am formally asking you to be something else, starting now!

[He should have seen this coming but he absolutely did not!]

What-

I hope you know how childish you sound. What, exactly, do you expect me to be instead, and don't you think it's far too late now?

Of course it is not too late. We came back from death last time; why should we assume we will not do so here as well? As long as you still have consciousness, even if you become a ghost - there is time to change.

[...]

I do not know exactly what I expect you to be. But I would ask that you think about what you would like to become.

[... Hm.]

And what if this is all I want to be?
[He can say it with ease because he's never thought about being anything else. That's not really a matter of want, of course. Wanting to be something else? He's really not sure. The things he's wanted have always been abstract and unattainable. Certainly not anything he could accomplish by sheer force of will. He looks away from Flayn.]

It's not possible for someone like me to be happy, I think.

Is it? Because you said before that no one had ever asked you to become anything else. That sounds a little different from you being the way you are because that is what you wish.

[she's just saying.]

...if you decide that already, and do not try to be happy - how can you know it is impossible? They say that the surest way to be certain something will not happen is to not try it at all.

[He stares at her for a long moment.]

Who says I never tried? Why do you think I killed my half brother?
[He did say, assuming Flayn overheard, that he killed his brother to see if his father would pay attention to him then.]

...

[okay, but.]

Is murder really something you believe would have made you happy? Because from the story you told, it did not really... seem that way.

Not that. But if my father had decided to pay attention to his other son after losing the one he had...
[Then maybe Ogata could have been happy like everyone else. The way Yuusaku had been. Ogata's hand rises to his head.]

But I know now it was stupid of me to think someone like me could get what I want.

[

his father kind of sounded like a shitty person so, like, flayn isn't all that sure it would have made him happy? but anyway.]

This is not over yet, Ogata. We came back from the dead once before. Even if you are executed tomorrow, you may very well come back again.

[Listen it's more about the concept of having a loving father. It's about the yearning.]

... And if I don't?
[What then?]

You will.

[Britt I'm crying this is the inverse of the "I'd die for you" "you will" meme.]

Suppose I don't want to?
[SULLEN. Don't tell him what to do.]

Are you really trying to tell me that you wish to die and stay dead?

I'm saying I'm not ruling it out as an option.

...why?

It seems like it'd be a lot easier than coming back to life and having to live up to your expectations.

[Honestly.]

[OH, COME ON.]

[WELL DAMN IF SHE'S GOING TO MAKE A FACE LIKE THAT... Given the situation. He decides to make a concession. He's glad everything he says right now is reduced to a whisper because he barely wants to say this out loud at all;]

... It's not that I don't want to. I just don't know if I can. I'm... scared that I can't.

[well, on the very top of the list of things flayn never thought she would hear ogata say: that he was scared of anything.

her voice softens.]

...I think that you can.

[He's been through a lot in the last like, 8 hours. It's done things to him. He will deny up and down that he ever said this if asked later. It's fine. He huffs.]

You'd say that to anyone. It doesn't mean anything.
[Your relentless positivity just makes it harder to take seriously!!]

I would not. There are some I would not say it to.

[no one who's here right now, but.

there are some!!]

[Hmmmmmmmmmm. He still looks!!! Very suspicious!!!]

Then what exactly is it about me that makes you think that?

You are stubborn. Unpleasantly so at times, it is true -

But that determination will be your strength, should you truly decide that you wish to change.

[He runs a hand over his hair. He can't argue with that. He's stubborn by nature, it's almost a point of pride for him. He remembers, vaguely, the time when Asirpa had told him not to shoot at the woodcocks because one shot would send the rest flying off in a complicated pattern. Those would be impossible to shoot. So he did, just to prove her wrong. To prove there wasn't a shot he couldn't make.]

Fine. But if I do, it won't be because you said so. It'll be because most people here probably would never think I could.
[Ogata: I refuse to be INSPIRED I will function purely on SPITE.]

Yes, yes. As you say.

[Spite may very well be his reason for it - but she doesn't much care what his reason is, so long as it happens. So there!]

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snyaiper - 2020-07-03 04:20 (UTC) - Expand

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fishingforcompliments - 2020-07-03 04:35 (UTC) - Expand