[You are my dearest friend here, he says, and there's a moment or two where Flayn feels like she can't breathe. How badly she wants to believe it is obvious - there's a spark of hope in her eyes, and her breath catches in a gasp. His hand hangs between them.
She starts to reach for it, and then remembers -
I was never a friend to you.
...which is the truth? Can they both be true? Why would he say this, now, if it wasn't? But why would he have said that if he hadn't believed it, too?
It's all mixed up and awful, but she wants, so badly, to believe that they are friends. That she can, somehow, just this once, not let him down. That she can do something right by him, and take the first step toward repairing the harm she's caused him.
She takes his hand, and he'll feel it - her hand is shaking. But she doesn't let go.]
As you are mine.
[It's the truth. It's the absolute truth, and she doesn't know how to prove it, but - he is.]
...I do not want to lose you, Dimitri.
[Even if - should tomorrow end in something other than all their deaths, or in their being trapped here forever - they might return to their own versions of Fódlan, and never see each other again. She doesn't want to lose him.
She doesn't want this to be the end of their story.]
[ Of all things, he braces himself for rejection. Because it's true—he really hadn't been a friend to her. He'd let her die. He'd let her kill. He hadn't caught her when she'd been doing something she hated so much. He'd doubted how much she cared for him, he'd lost faith in their promise, when for so long it'd kept him going. Even now, all the hurt between them isn't gone.
Wouldn't it make sense, then, for her to leave him behind? There's that bright moment in her eyes, but he thinks his heart might break in that second of hesitation after. Is this how they'd lose each other?
...He could fall apart with relief when he feels her shaking hand reach for him. He squeezes back, fingers trembling where he weaves them between hers. ]
I—
[ The doubtful, whispery voices in his own mind call him an idiot, but he wants so badly to believe her again, so he tries not to listen. ]
You won't. Not to this.
[ They've already had so many casualties to this place, and for at least tonight they're both alive and there's time to talk, so he finds all the things he had no voice for earlier, like a dam's broken. ]
I'm sorry—I'm sorry I thought so cruelly of you... [ He'd trusted in her enough to believe she'd save him, but at his lowest, he'd forgotten how kind she was. ] I should've made it easier for you. We should have spoken more that night, I'd wanted to, but... I'm sorry.
[Flayn clings tightly to his hand as he laces his fingers together, like she's afraid he'll change his mind and pull away, and that she can stop it from happening if she holds on tightly enough. That he's willing to even speak with her, that he's willing to try to salvage this, makes her feel like she's luckier than she deserves.
She feels her heart sink when he apologizes, though, and shakes her head.]
Dimitri, no... that is not something you need to apologize for. You do not owe me any apologies at all.
[However cruelly he may have thought of her - she had earned that. She'd earned every bit of his distrust. Actions have consequences, and though for the most part she's not had to face any consequences aside from her own sick, guilty feelings - the shattering of her friendship with Dimitri is one of them.
She just hopes they'll be able to piece it back together.]
...that night... I asked so much of you. If— if you wanted to talk more that night, I wish that we could have, but... you were already doing so much, just by being willing to... hear us out. To ask anything more of you than that would have been much more cruel than I already was to you.
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fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-06 10:49 pm
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She starts to reach for it, and then remembers -
I was never a friend to you.
...which is the truth? Can they both be true? Why would he say this, now, if it wasn't? But why would he have said that if he hadn't believed it, too?
It's all mixed up and awful, but she wants, so badly, to believe that they are friends. That she can, somehow, just this once, not let him down. That she can do something right by him, and take the first step toward repairing the harm she's caused him.
She takes his hand, and he'll feel it - her hand is shaking. But she doesn't let go.]
As you are mine.
[It's the truth. It's the absolute truth, and she doesn't know how to prove it, but - he is.]
...I do not want to lose you, Dimitri.
[Even if - should tomorrow end in something other than all their deaths, or in their being trapped here forever - they might return to their own versions of Fódlan, and never see each other again. She doesn't want to lose him.
She doesn't want this to be the end of their story.]
no subject
Wouldn't it make sense, then, for her to leave him behind? There's that bright moment in her eyes, but he thinks his heart might break in that second of hesitation after. Is this how they'd lose each other?
...He could fall apart with relief when he feels her shaking hand reach for him. He squeezes back, fingers trembling where he weaves them between hers. ]
I—
[ The doubtful, whispery voices in his own mind call him an idiot, but he wants so badly to believe her again, so he tries not to listen. ]
You won't. Not to this.
[ They've already had so many casualties to this place, and for at least tonight they're both alive and there's time to talk, so he finds all the things he had no voice for earlier, like a dam's broken. ]
I'm sorry—I'm sorry I thought so cruelly of you... [ He'd trusted in her enough to believe she'd save him, but at his lowest, he'd forgotten how kind she was. ] I should've made it easier for you. We should have spoken more that night, I'd wanted to, but... I'm sorry.
no subject
She feels her heart sink when he apologizes, though, and shakes her head.]
Dimitri, no... that is not something you need to apologize for. You do not owe me any apologies at all.
[However cruelly he may have thought of her - she had earned that. She'd earned every bit of his distrust. Actions have consequences, and though for the most part she's not had to face any consequences aside from her own sick, guilty feelings - the shattering of her friendship with Dimitri is one of them.
She just hopes they'll be able to piece it back together.]
...that night... I asked so much of you. If— if you wanted to talk more that night, I wish that we could have, but... you were already doing so much, just by being willing to... hear us out. To ask anything more of you than that would have been much more cruel than I already was to you.