gimme 45's deep, forbidden lore first. here, i'll start. when flayn runs into 45 that morning (maybe they haven't even left the cabin yet?), she turns to her to greet her and makes eye contact. TIME FOR CHAOS.]
but that's a lot. it's definitely a lot to take in, but more than that - it must have been so difficult to experience firsthand. flayn doesn't know what she would do, were she in that situation. it's almost too painful even begin to imagine.
for 45 to have lived it - to have gone through it... it's just a memory now. is it her last memory before she came to the mansion, and then to this place, or...?]
... I am getting very tired of these places digging this memory up.
[ why the hell does she bother keeping a lid on things when memshares drag everything up anyway.
... ]
That was 40. My sister. We promised we'd go together to see the ocean, one day. The one I actually did kill, and not in the form of a half-baked illusion meant to make us falter.
It's not the first time that I've had to relive it during the last several weeks.
[ if she maintains her anger about it and shoves a layer of apathy under that, it means she doesn't have to think about how it actually makes her feel. ]
... It happened a long time ago, anyway. I'm not the same Doll that I was then.
[ she can't be. (doesn't her age on the profiles only say 2 to 6, tops?) none of this is an answer to whether she's all right, though. ]
[unfortunately, flayn is refusing to read the profiles because they're an invasion of privacy, so. she doesn't know that to point out the contradiction.]
I do not believe reliving it more than once makes it any easier...
... her eyes were supposed to be gold. She didn't... she wanted to die, while she was still herself.
I couldn't have denied her.
[ though maybe she could have died there with her, after, and flayn would know this because it was from her point of view. for a single, brief moment, when 40 had asked her
That's just it, though. What are our lives even worth?
If you asked many people from my world, only as much money as it cost to build us. We're expected to sacrifice ourselves in an instant to save the lives of any actual humans.
[ they're not weighed the same. dolls aren't people, they're personable machines. ]
Haha. Almost invariably, anyone who meets me outside of my own world seems to share that opinion...
[ so why is future earth the way it is? there are people more kind to their dolls, but very few ever forget they were meant to be tools first and friends after. ]
I wonder why. Is it because you met me without already knowing, at the back of your mind, that I was made for your sake?
[maybe it's because people outside of her world don't think that people who are alive enough to have a consciousness ought only to exist for the sake of others!! maybe it's that!!]
Perhaps. But the fact of the matter is, you are you. You ought to be able to live your life the way you want to.
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fishingforcompliments) wrote2020-06-08 08:57 pm
w3, monday
gimme 45's deep, forbidden lore first. here, i'll start. when flayn runs into 45 that morning (maybe they haven't even left the cabin yet?), she turns to her to greet her and makes eye contact. TIME FOR CHAOS.]
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it's a broken memory, fragmented and staticky- details flickering every now and then as if corrupted somehow, but the most important portions vividly intact. the middle of a ruined factory, smoke in the air and blood on the walls, signs and sounds of recent fighting obvious both in the near vicinity and in the distance.
45, for her part, is very still, betraying no reaction as of yet. ]
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but that's a lot. it's definitely a lot to take in, but more than that - it must have been so difficult to experience firsthand. flayn doesn't know what she would do, were she in that situation. it's almost too painful even begin to imagine.
for 45 to have lived it - to have gone through it... it's just a memory now. is it her last memory before she came to the mansion, and then to this place, or...?]
45...?
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[ why the hell does she bother keeping a lid on things when memshares drag everything up anyway.
... ]
That was 40. My sister. We promised we'd go together to see the ocean, one day. The one I actually did kill, and not in the form of a half-baked illusion meant to make us falter.
I'm sure you have plenty of questions.
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[who wouldn't have questions?]
More importantly, are you alright...?
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[ if she maintains her anger about it and shoves a layer of apathy under that, it means she doesn't have to think about how it actually makes her feel. ]
... It happened a long time ago, anyway. I'm not the same Doll that I was then.
[ she can't be. (doesn't her age on the profiles only say 2 to 6, tops?) none of this is an answer to whether she's all right, though. ]
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[unfortunately, flayn is refusing to read the profiles because they're an invasion of privacy, so. she doesn't know that to point out the contradiction.]
I do not believe reliving it more than once makes it any easier...
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[ ... ]
It was her last wish.
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She must have trusted you a lot, then... to do what she needed you to do.
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I couldn't have denied her.
[ though maybe she could have died there with her, after, and flayn would know this because it was from her point of view. for a single, brief moment, when 40 had asked her
"do you want to die with me so badly?!"
she'd hesitated. ]
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but in the end, even though it had been painful...]
You did what you believed was right.
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[ and it's what she did there, too. she listened. ]
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[that almost has to be the right thing... or at least as close to the right thing as it's possible to be in a moment like that]
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[ simply. ]
... But should or shouldn't means very little when you were only ever meant to be a disposable tool.
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No life is disposable. Who cares what you were designed for? You are still you, and your sister was still herself, and—
[this isn't even her own memory why is she getting so upset]
...what happened to the two of you was cruel.
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If you asked many people from my world, only as much money as it cost to build us. We're expected to sacrifice ourselves in an instant to save the lives of any actual humans.
[ they're not weighed the same. dolls aren't people, they're personable machines. ]
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[she'll fight them!! just watch her!!]
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[ so why is future earth the way it is? there are people more kind to their dolls, but very few ever forget they were meant to be tools first and friends after. ]
I wonder why. Is it because you met me without already knowing, at the back of your mind, that I was made for your sake?
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Perhaps. But the fact of the matter is, you are you. You ought to be able to live your life the way you want to.
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[ she hums a bit, mildly. ]
Not many are quite as fortunate.
[ after all, her 'freedom' was bought with her sister's life. ]
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...there must be something that can be done...
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